


Fool Me Twice

by ArgentSleeper



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cupcakes, Hostage Situations, Kid Fic, Kidnapping, M/M, Serious Injuries, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4016752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentSleeper/pseuds/ArgentSleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After firing his former nanny for stealing, Arthur is in a tight spot.  Against his better judgement, he allows his sister Morgana to find him someone new.  Enter Merlin, whom Morgana loves, Arthur's son Alex loves, and Arthur will never ever love.  No, really.  He has the home security -read: <em>spy</em>- system and boatload of trust issues to prove it.</p><p>When the unthinkable happens, however, Arthur has room for only one thing.  Fear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [texasfandoodler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/texasfandoodler/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fool Me Twice - 4 piece art series (Home Surveillance)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2007168) by [texasfandoodler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/texasfandoodler/pseuds/texasfandoodler). 



> It's a work a year and a half in the making, but it's finally here. I absolutely loved working with your art pieces, tex, and I hope you love your fic just as much. I wish I could have finished it sooner for you, but on your birthday seemed like the perfect fallback! I piled on as much angst as I possibly could for you!
> 
> A ginormous thank you to rowanbrandybuck and 5leggedcricket, who slaved away at betaing this and helped me with the proper forensics to keep this from becoming accidental MCD. Not to mention all the wonderful squeeing and crying that reassured me all the nontechnical bits were just as adorable and heartwrenching as I'd hoped.
> 
> And even more thanks to Narlth and Polomonkey who suffered through my Britpicking questions. One of these days I will stop asking "This thing has a name: what is it?" Sadly, today is not that day.

 

"Honestly, Arthur, it's come to this?  What happened to Sefa?"

Arthur Pendragon scowled at his sister from over his laptop.  "She was a thief is what happened.  Stole the lot right out from Alexander's piggy bank."

Morgana raised one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows. "It's a child's bank.  How much could she have possibly thought to take?"

"Enough,” he grit out.  Arthur had put in fifty pounds every week since Alexander was born.  Sure, he emptied it out and deposited the notes in the bank when it filled up, but it had been nearly a year since the last time he’d done so.  It was _meant_ to be a fund for his son to go to university, _not_ to fund some uni student’s shopping spree.

“Well you can’t just keep this up all summer.  This is an office, not a day-care.”

“Spare me the lecture, Morgana.  I’ve already got it once today.”

He knew this was probably the worst idea he’d come up with in a while –right after agreeing to hire Sefa.  But there hadn’t been any other choice.  He couldn’t very well leave his seven-year-old child home alone all day.  Which meant that Alexander had to come with him.

So he’d woken his son up bright and early, fed him breakfast and plied him with promises of ice cream if he would only be good for a day at the office.  Of course Arthur hadn’t gone so mad as to think he could bring the boy into his meetings with him, not even the video conference where he could keep the camera pointed away from unwanted distractions.  Instead he went to Morgana’s assistant Gwen and begged her to watch him.

He had expected the ire of Morgana.  He had been slightly less prepared for the ire of his father.  But then, he had never found himself prepared for Uther’s judgment in the decades he’d had to live with it.

Morgana sniffed.  “Yes, well.”  Arthur hoped she wasn’t going to launch into another lecture on how he needed to stop bending to his father’s will.  She didn’t.  “Why don’t you simply call the agency and have them send another nanny?”

“Because _they’re_ the ones who sent me Sefa in the first place.  How am I to know their entire company isn’t teeming with criminals?”

His sister just rolled her eyes.  “Oh, I don’t know, how about you have some faith in humanity?  Here, brother dearest.  How about _I_ find my young nephew a nanny?  Do you trust _my_ judgment at least?”

“Ha.  I trust you less than the agency, witch.”

She smirked.  “I’ll be sure they meet all of your criteria: insecure, borderline stalker-ish, willing to do it on your father’s bed…”

“That was one time!”  Arthur blushed furiously.  It was completely unfair that she knew so much about him to use against him.  “Just… get someone I’m not going to have to call the police on before lunchtime and who can be there first thing Monday morning.”

“Don’t worry, I already have the perfect candidate in mind.”

 

\-------------

 

 

Arthur was taking no chances, Morgana’s assurances aside.  The moment he finished his last spreadsheet, he collected Alexander and headed to Development.  One of the perks of being CEO of one of the top security companies in the country was access to the latest and greatest in surveillance equipment.

It wasn’t that he had no security measures on his home at all.  He had a top of the line alarm system on both the front gate and front and back doors, with motion sensors all along the perimeter.  Only a very limited number of people had codes to disable it.  He had simply never suspected he would need to guard against people from within.

One hour later, he had a list of their top security camera line available and an appointment for Leon and his people to come install them tomorrow.  Each camera would be connected to a secure program on his laptop so that he could check any room in his house from any angle at any time he chose.

There would be no more Sefas.  Arthur was fairly certain the girl had been stealing from him for ages.  He should have been suspicious when she’d begun showing up with a new purse, new shoes, and new clothes that didn’t look like they’d been stolen from her grandmother.  Of course, he’d put it down at the time to the generous wage he was paying her.

Apparently not generous enough.

“Daddy, do I get to go to work with you every day?  Hi, Mr Elyan!”

Arthur sighed as he made sure his son was securely fastened in the backseat of the car.  His driver, Elyan, twisted in his seat to wave jovially.  “No, sorry, duck.  It’s back to staying home with the nanny come Monday.”

“But I thought you said if Sefa ever showed her face again you were going to blacklist her from here to Pluto.”

Elyan sniggered from the front seat.  Arthur groaned and slammed the door shut, walking around to the other side.  He _had_ said that –shouted it more like.  He’d meant it, too.  Sefa was lucky he wasn’t charging her with grand larceny.  As it was, he had insisted the agency cut her off, and she was on a repayment schedule that if she reneged on he _would_ have her thrown in jail.  Even that he wasn’t quite satisfied was enough, but the agency had begged him not to report her.  Arthur cursed his soft side for giving in.

“It’s not going to be Sefa,” he qualified, getting in beside Alexander.  “Auntie Morgana is hiring a new nanny.  We’ll meet her Monday.”   _And if she doesn’t live up to expectations, she’ll go out on the street, and Morgana and Father will simply have to deal with it._

“Will the new nanny know how to play cards?  Sefa didn’t.  She only knew how to play Old Maid.”

“That woman’s going to _be_ an old maid,” Arthur grumbled under his breath.  Louder he promised, “I’m sure she’ll know lots of games, and if she doesn’t, you can teach her.”

Alexander spent the rest of the ride chatting with Elyan.  Arthur’s driver was Gwen’s brother, and since Gwen was Morgana’s best friend, he’d known the man since childhood.  It had been a bit odd at first, having an old friend chauffeuring him around, especially when Elyan insisted on calling him ‘sir’ during working hours.  Eventually they’d both gotten used to the arrangement.  He’d been the perfect trustworthy choice to hire –Arthur was putting his life (and now his son’s) in Elyan’s hands after all.  He was certain Elyan took the job seriously.

That was the very least he expected from his employees.

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

Arthur paced the foyer, checking his watch so often he was convinced it was actually ticking backwards.  She was late.  The new nanny Morgana had been so enthusiastic about was late.  On the first day.

Arthur was going to have to wake Alexander up and bring him to work again.  If he called Gwen now, she would have a breakfast ready and waiting for him by the time they got to the office.  He was sure she would watch the boy again without a problem; the question was whether Morgana would choose to kill him right away or wait until she had a cup of coffee first.  It was her fault anyway for hiring him a flake.

_Finally_ the doorbell rang.  Arthur stormed over to whip it open.  “You’re not making a very good first impression, girl.”

The young man on the front step cocked an eyebrow.  “Obviously not.”

Arthur scowled.  He didn’t have time for this.  His favourite perk of having a locked and coded gate –besides preventing criminals from breaking in– was the lack of salesmen who managed to make it through.  How this one had managed to sneak past his security system was a mystery.  He certainly didn’t look like he would be that clever.  The man had a bird’s nest of dark hair that definitely hadn’t been combed in the last year, and his button up shirt was off by two buttons.  He had a large messenger bag slung over his shoulder, probably holding his wares.

“Whatever you’re selling, I’m not buying.  Try Alined down at the next gate.  He’ll take anything.”

The man frowned, holding up a battered phone and squinting at it.  “Are you Arthur?”

“Yes.”  Maybe he was a delivery boy.  Arthur didn’t remember ordering a package, but it was possible Morgana or his father had and neglected to tell him.

“Great.”  The man held out his hand.  “I’m Merlin.  Morgana sent me?”

Arthur stared.  “You’re the nanny?”  This was a joke.  Morgana was pulling his leg.  The real nanny was hiding somewhere behind this Merlin bloke ready to pop out just as Arthur looked about to lose his cool.

“I prefer the term ‘au pair.’”

“But you’re not an au pair.”  Arthur had considered hiring an au pair at one point.  There was no way this man was even close to qualifying.

Merlin shrugged.  “No, but who really wants to be called a manny?  Look, can I come in?  This is getting a bit awkward just standing here.”

“What’s Morgana holding against you to get you to do this?  I’ll tell her you were a wonderful actor and tricked me terribly.  But I really don’t have time for this right now.  Just tell your friend to come out now so I can get to work.”

“I’m starting the wonder if I’m the one the joke is on.”  Merlin crossed his arms and glared.  “Do you have a kid you need me to watch or not?”

“What I _need_ is a nanny.  Not some hoodlum Morgana plucked off the street.”

“I have degrees in childhood psychology and education,” Merlin snapped back.  “I get that I’m not what you were expecting, but can we please move beyond your bruised expectations and let me inside so I can do my job?  I seem to remember you saying you were in a hurry.”

“Wait here.”  Arthur slammed the door in the man’s face.  He snatched his mobile from his briefcase and punched in Morgana’s speed dial.  “What is this supposed to be?” he growled in lieu of a greeting.

“Is Merlin there then?  Isn’t he just lovely?  When he told me he was available, I just knew I had to snatch him up.”

“You have to fire him.”

“Why?  What did you do?”

“Me?” Arthur cried.  “I’m not the one who did anything!”

“Well it can’t be anything Merlin did,” Morgana said dismissively.  “He’s the best au pair in the country, Arthur.  I had to pull a lot of strings to get him to agree to work for you.”

“He’s _not_ an au pair.”

“No matter what you want to call him, he is a highly trained child care provider.  You’re just sour that he’s a male.  This is the twenty-first century, Arthur.  Don’t be such a sexist.  Now apologize to Merlin for whatever heinous things you’ve said so far and get to the office before Uther decides _he_ needs to be the one to find you a nanny.”

Morgana hung up before Arthur could give another protest.  He ran a hand through his hair with a growl of frustration.  This was all his sister’s fault, and the second he got to the office, she was going to pay.  He had better not hear a peep out of her when he asked Gwen to babysit after he fired this _Merlin_.

Arthur stalked back over to the front door.  Merlin was busily texting on his mobile, looking rather unconcerned about being ordered to wait outside.  He didn’t look up as Arthur stood with his arms crossed tight across his chest.  “Morgana says I’m supposed to demand you apologize and wait to sign my contract until you offer me a raise for putting up with your boorish behaviour.”

Arthur just scowled and stepped back so Merlin could come in.  “You can stay for today.  If you had been here _on time_ , I would have gone over my expectations, but as it is, you’ll have to make do with the instructions on the dining room table.  If you can manage to keep the house from burning down and my son alive until I get home tonight, I will perhaps give you a nice severance package for Morgana wasting your time like this.”

“Oh yes, because it’s _Morgana_ who’s wasting my time,” Merlin muttered under his breath.

_Okay, so no severance package then._

“I will be home around seven.  I expect Alexander will have eaten and be preparing for bed by then.  We will discuss your… _contract_ then.”

Merlin gave him a simpering sweet smile.  “I look forward to it.”

Arthur wasted no time in finding Morgana the second he arrived at the office.

“Hello, Arthur,” Gwen sighed as she saw him approaching.  “Would it stop you if I told you she’s in an important meeting?”

“Unlikely,” he snapped.

Gwen shrugged.  She was used to the siblings’ near daily squabbles by now.  “Just thought I’d give it a try in case Morgana asks.”

“I’ll tell her you defended her valiantly.”  Arthur threw open Morgana’s office door without bothering to knock.  “What the hell were you thinking?  I thought I could trust you to find someone competent to entrust the care of your only nephew to, but obviously I was wrong.  Where did you even find this _Merlin_ character?  Can we even trust him know what a child is?”

Morgana mock pouted.  “Oh dear, I’m afraid I forgot that part of the interview.  Don’t worry; I did make sure he knows his left from his right.  We’d hate to make _that_ mistake again.”

“ _Morgana_ -”

“He’s a certified child care worker, Arthur!  He has two separate master’s degrees from Cambridge!  He’s worked for four different families in Britain over the years, and they all say the same thing: he’s the _best_.  We’re lucky he agreed to help out, _especially_ after your little temper tantrum this morning.”

“If he’s so fantastic, why has he worked for four families?  He’s not that old, the children can’t possibly have aged out.”

Morgana shrugged.  “Two were for location and commute, one was because the family adopted their sixteen-year-old niece and didn’t need him anymore, and one was a simple misunderstanding.  Look, Merlin is one of my dearest friends.  I trust him.”

“Friend?  You’ve never mentioned him before.”  Arthur would have remembered someone named _Merlin_.  Morgana always had had a strange fascination for men with odd names –she’d once dated a guy named _Mordred_.  “Don’t tell me this is one of your flings.  I’m not just giving a job to every man you’ve ever slept with.  For one, I’m not sure there enough employment openings.”

The heat of Morgana’s glare could have melted steel.  “Why, no, Arthur, I did not date Merlin.  That would be more likely _your_ department.  Merlin is gay.”

Gay.  Oh, now Arthur could see what was happening here.  He should have known better than to think his sister could make a decision for him that was anything but cruel.  “No, Morgana.  Absolutely not.  Is this supposed to be some kind of punishment?”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Arthur, not everything is about you.  Just because Merlin is attracted to men doesn’t mean he’s going to throw himself at you.  You aren’t God’s gift to gays.  And I’m sure you definitely won’t have to worry about that now since when he texted me earlier he wanted to know if I’d be opposed to him slipping poison in your dinner.”

He made a note to pick up take away on the way home.  “If you had to pick a man, why couldn’t it be a straight one?  Or how about a lesbian?  I hear they’re great with kids.”

“Arthur, it’ll be okay,” Morgana insisted, far more gently than before.  “Merlin is a consummate professional.  Just give him a chance.  I wouldn’t have hired him for you if I didn’t believe he was the best choice possible, for Alexander and for you.  Just trust me, please?”

Part of Arthur wanted to trust his sister.  Really, he did.   But his experiences with trust had been far from affirming in the past.  Morgana had yet to do anything to him that had actually caused him or Alex any true harm, but she wasn’t infallible.  And this was about more than trusting her.  It was about trusting the man currently sitting in his home watching over his son.

“I’ll give him a chance.  Just _one_ , understand?  If he puts a toe out of line or Alexander expresses the least bit displeasure about him, I’m sending him packing.  I don’t care just how good a _friend_ he is.”  Arthur slammed the door behind him as he left.

“Oh, Arthur?” Gwen called after him.  “Merlin just called.  He wasn’t quite sure: is he supposed to actually _feed_ Alex or can he just set him out in the sun for an hour to soak up nutrients?”

Fired.  Every last one of them was fired.

Arthur kept up the security video feed on his laptop all day, watching it like a hawk.  He was more glad now than ever that he had made the decision to install it.  This Merlin bloke was going to mess up, and Arthur was going to be right there to catch it.  His father would probably yell at him later for neglecting his work, but at this moment he didn’t rightfully care.

As the day went on, however, Arthur became more and more frustrated.  Not because Merlin was a terrible nanny, but because he _wasn’t_.  He was attentive to Alex’s every need, joining him with his games, making him a full lunch complete with all food groups, taking him out back to run off his excess energy.  Every time Arthur thought he finally had the man caught, Merlin went a step beyond.  He even got Alex to call his father and check in halfway through the day.

“I like Mr Merlin, Daddy!” Alexander declared cheerfully.  “He knows way more than Old Maid!”

Having just watched the two play eight rounds each of Snap, War, and Pelmanisn, Arthur couldn’t deny that.  “That’s great, duck,” he bit out.  “I’ll be home in time to tuck you in, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.  Do you want to talk to Mr Merlin?”

“No, that’s fine.  I’ll talk to Mr Merlin tonight.”  He was not looking forward to the coming confrontation.  Anyone who could be friends with Morgana was certain to know how to hold their own.

Though he tried as hard as he could, Arthur didn’t end up heading home before his son went to bed.  His distraction with the video feed meant he had fallen behind on several important projects, and they had to be completed –or at least attempted– before he could escape the office.  By six he had abandoned watching the feed altogether to concentrate on a report for his father.  If Merlin hadn’t killed his son by now, Alex would probably be safe for another few hours.

Finally at eight he shutdown his computer and met Elyan in the car park.

“Have a productive day, sir?”

“Your jokes get funnier every day, Elyan,” Arthur answered dryly.  “Though considering you started out with material about worms and faecal matter, you could only move up.”

“At least you’ve got that whole nanny thing sorted out now though, right?”

“That remains to be seen,” he grumbled under his breath.  “Sorry for making you wait.  I’ve told you I can just get a cab when this happens.”

“Relax, Arthur.  I’ve told you a hundred times I don’t mind.”

Arthur gave up arguing and let Elyan drive him home.  This was the problem with loyal employees; they never knew when to think of themselves.  It was a much better problem than the alternative, however, so Arthur would rather keep being selfish in that regard.

He’d decided he couldn’t fire Merlin, not today, not without incurring the wrath of Morgana.  No matter how much he hated the idea, if he went against her now after promising to give him a chance she would never forgive him.  Arthur was just going to have to watch and wait for him to make a mistake.  He hadn’t yet, but it was only a matter of time, he was sure.

The house was quiet when Arthur finally closed the door behind him and shed his coat and shoes. According to his watch, Alexander would have gone to bed a half an hour ago.  He had made sure to call to say goodnight and tell Merlin not to let the boy wait up until he got home.  But he had done so with Sefa dozens of times and he would still find Alex awake at nine, sometimes even ten at night simply because she didn’t want to have to deal with getting him to sleep.  He hoped that wasn’t the case tonight, much as he wanted it later as an excuse to fire the man.  He needed Alex to be asleep so they had time to talk.

He found Merlin in the den, alone and reading a book in one of the large recliners.  The man looked up as Arthur entered.  “Now, I just want to start by saying the tattoo was not my idea, and I really did try to put my foot down about the alcohol and cigars.  That wasn’t part of your instructions, so I wasn’t sure what your feelings on the matter were, but–”

“Oh shut up, Merlin,” Arthur snapped, turning and stalking towards his office.  Merlin followed, thankfully silently.  He took a seat at the desk and motioned for Merlin to have one as well.  “I’ve spoken to Morgana, and I have decided to keep you employed on a probationary period.  If at the end of that time you have worked up to my standards, I will consider giving you the position permanently.  Now, as I understand it you were awarded this position due to exploiting your relationship with my sister and not purely through your own merit.  Thus, I would like to conduct my own interview to determine your suitability for this post.”

Merlin’s eyes had become wider and wider as Arthur spoke.  “You really are an even bigger prat than Morgana let on.”

“Mr…”

“Emrys.  Merlin Emrys.”

“Mr Emrys, might I point out that referring to your employer as a ‘prat’ is not the most auspicious start to your probationary time.  Adding to that you being late this morning, dressed like a child who had been allowed to pick their own clothes for the first time, and the odds of my keeping you at this juncture are quite low.”

“My flatmate was sick!  I was taking care of him!  Which I would have explained if you had given me two seconds before assuming I was some sort of pamphlet passer!”

“So you live with someone else?  Normally I would have you take up residence in the spare room for convenience sake, but under the circumstances we shall hold off on such decisions until your status is determined.  However, is your rental agreement one that’s easily broken should that come to pass?”

“I’ll have to be able to give my flatmate fair notice to find someone else, but yes, I can move.  I’ve lived with the family a couple times before.”

“Tell me about your philosophy with your charges.”

Merlin seemed to calm a bit as the meeting turned more formal and less berating.  Arthur, too, relaxed, though he didn’t let his guard down for a second.  At least he was being assured that Morgana was right about the man’s professionalism.  Merlin really did seem to know what he was talking about, and he genuinely lit up when he spoke of the different children he’d taken care of over the years.

“Why nannying?  You could have become a teacher if you wanted to work with children, or a psychologist, or a social worker.”

Arthur had meant as a throwaway question, more something he was curious about, but Merlin seemed to take it seriously.  “My mum used to run a daycare out of our house growing up.  I was always surrounded by kids, and I helped her out, even when I was still one of the kids who needed watching.  Then when I was a teenager, she got sick, and she needed my help more than ever.  I basically took over towards the end just to keep her from being shut down.  Nearly had to drop out of school and everything from all the days I missed.  But I still loved what I was doing, even though it was the worst of circumstances.  After she died, well, I wanted to do something she would be proud of, you know?  And what better way than to take up where she let off?”

Merlin let out a little laugh.  “Of course, this is a bit different from where she started, but I need to pay the bills, eh?  And really, I prefer the term au pair.  I _know_ it’s not at all accurate, but until you can come up with a better term than ‘manny,’ I’ll take what I can get.”

Arthur smirked.  “I’ll see what I can do.  You said you had a contract?  I want to read it over, see if there’s anything that needs tweaking.”

Merlin dug the packet out of his messenger bag and handed it over with a smile.  “You’re the kind of guy who actually reads the terms and agreements, aren’t you?”

“You never know what you could be unknowingly agreeing to.  Have you ever looked at your iTunes account?  It’s amazing the things people will sign without reading them.”

“My iTunes account?  What’s wrong with iTunes?”

Arthur just raised an eyebrow in response and kept reading.  “Well, I see nothing _too_ objectionable.  Nothing we can’t work with in the interim at least.”  He adjusted a few things and signed his name at the bottom.  “If you’re still employed here at the end of the summer we can revisit the terms for the school year.  Do you have any questions, Mr Emrys?  No?  Then I will see you in the morning.   _On time_ , if you please.”

Merlin let himself be shuffled to the door.  He paused before going through it.  “Alex really loves you, you know.”

“Yes, so?”

“I’ve worked for workaholic arseholes before, and their kids couldn’t give a toss about them, even when they were graced with a bit of attention.  But you?  Your son was practically bouncing out of his chair the whole time he was on the phone with you.”

“What is your point, Mr Emrys?”

He smiled.  “That there has to be a good man in there somewhere.  I hope I’ll be around long enough to see him.”

Arthur was left speechless in the entry long after Merlin had disappeared down the road.

 

\--------------------

 

 

Arthur never knew a man could make him so frustrated.  It was like Merlin was trying to earn a gold medal in being irritatingly flawless.  Arthur had watched and re-watched every minute of his footage over the last few weeks, and not once had he found something worthy of reproach.

He was certain he finally had the man when Alexander’s friends came over one day for a playdate.  Surely the addition of three screaming seven-year-olds would be too much for one man in his mid-twenties.  But not only did Merlin keep them all under control, he plopped them down and let them make individually shaped sugar cookies, all while keeping the kitchen completely spotless.  Arthur hadn’t even known a seven-year-old knew what clean _meant_.

Maybe Merlin was some kind of alien from a distant planet that spawned perfect babysitters.  Or a robot.

Definitely a robot.

Morgana took the opportunity to say “I told you so” every time she came by his office.  Arthur refused to admit yet that she might be right.  Just because Merlin was competent didn’t make him the perfect fit for Arthur’s household.  Or for Arthur.

Because he was quickly coming to realize that despite what Morgana said about it not being about him, Arthur couldn’t help but notice her sly grins whenever she spoke about her friend.  It wasn’t like she didn’t know about his preferences.  He had made the mistake once when he was sixteen of getting drunk around her and spent the night telling her just how hot he found one of his fellow players on the football team.  Morgana had then evilly tried to set them up, but unfortunately it turned Oliver was hopelessly straight, and also hopelessly homophobic.  None of the players had spoken to Arthur the rest of the season and he had quit soon after.

He’d hoped his sister would have given up on matchmaking after that.  But it couldn’t be a coincidence that his new nanny was very gay and _very_ easy on the eyes.  Once Arthur had gotten past mindlessly hating him for possessing a cock (he had finally admitted to himself that yes, that was the reason), he started to notice all the other parts about him, and he couldn’t deny that Merlin was definitely attractive.  Underneath the sloppy clothes and sloppier hair, he had striking cheekbones and dazzling bright blue eyes.  Arthur found himself smiling whenever Merlin would grin dopily on his screen, and his laughter was infectious even from so far away.

 

 

Every time Arthur found himself chuckling at his screen he immediately gave himself a harsh pinch.  No.  He couldn’t do this.  Not now.  Not again.  Merlin was Alexander’s nanny and no more, no matter what Morgana had planned.

So Arthur did his best to focus on the negatives.  Though they weren’t necessarily firing offenses, there were plenty of those too.  Since the first day Merlin did his best to be early, but he was late more often than he was on time.  Arthur tried not to get too angry once Merlin revealed he lived in a flat across town and took the tube and a cab to get there, but he soon took care not to schedule any meetings early in the morning.  Merlin was clumsy, tripping over toys and cords and raised floorboards.  And worst of all, he continued to be disrespectful to Arthur every time they spoke.

Which wasn’t actually all that often.  Merlin would arrive in the morning just as Arthur was getting antsy about leaving, and then he would make his long trek home as soon as Arthur got back.  Sometimes he would stay for a few minutes, especially if it was early enough that Alexander was still awake, but usually he was worn out enough he’d head home before he fell asleep on the underground.

Which meant on nights like tonight Arthur felt especially guilty, as he snuck into his house like an errant teenager at eleven o’clock in the evening.  He found Merlin asleep on the couch, one of Alexander’s teddy bears tucked in the crook of his arm.  Arthur couldn’t help but smile as he took in the features of his face, softened by sleep.  This was how Merlin looked when he was taking care of Alex, too, and he realized now how jealous he was never to have anything like it directed towards him.  It was nice to finally see it without a screen to separate them, even if it was involuntary.

Arthur was tempted to leave him there, but he had a terrible feeling that would open doors he’d rather have stay nailed shut.  Instead he leaned over and placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and shook gently.  Merlin, however, reacted as if Arthur had slapped him, leaping up off the couch like a shot.

“What- I didn’t do it!  Nothing happened!”

“Merlin, calm down.  It’s just me.”  Arthur got a firmer grip on Merlin’s shoulders and forced him to face him.  “Bit jumpy, huh?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  “Product of growing up around kids.  Never know when one’ll slip a snake down your shirt.”  For some reason Arthur didn’t find the words as convincing as he should have, but he let it go.  Merlin looked down at the bear still clutched in his hand, an oddly panicked look in his eyes.

“That a product of being close to kids, too, Emrys?” Arthur teased, letting the man go.

Far from blushing, for some reason Merlin went pale.  “Sorry,” he said again.  “I was going to take it up to him.  I must have fallen asleep.  I’ll go put it back.”

“Relax.  If Alex hasn’t come down to find it by now, he went to sleep just fine without it.  You’ll probably just wake him up if you take it up to him now.”  They stood in awkward silence for a moment.  “Would you like some tea?”

Merlin grasped eagerly to the change in subject.  “I’d love some.  Speaking of, I set some dinner aside for you.”

“Are you an alien robot?” Arthur asked without thinking.

“What?”

“Never mind.  Forget it.”

Arthur set the kettle on to boil while Merlin pulled dishes from the fridge and started arranging him a plate.  “I wasn’t sure if you were able to get something to eat on your own, but still, I thought you might be hungry.”

“Morgana ordered Chinese, but that was hours ago.  I was planning on just stealing some of those cupcakes you made the other day.”

Merlin laughed.  “This should be a bit more filling than cupcakes.  More nutritious, too.  What were you working on that kept you so late?”

“Security for a new exhibit at one of the local museums.  The collection belongs to an earl who thinks it will be ruined if someone so much as breathes on it.  Usually I leave this kind of thing to Leon, since this kind of thing falls more under his purview, but the earl specifically requested either I or my father be involved, so it’s been a lot of showing my face just to say I’m there.”

“Does that happen a lot?  People wanting to see your face?”  Merlin blushed even as he spoke.

Arthur just shrugged.  “Sometimes.  Usually it’s just so they can yell at it.  We’re lucky we develop all our own security so we know it’s top of the line.  There are a lot of crazy people out there just looking for someone blame for their stolen Picasso or damaged clay statue created by their grandchild in primary school.”

“I bet you’ll be glad when this exhibit is over.”

“Most certainly.  At least then I’ll have more time at home.  I’ve always hated the summer.  Sure, Alexander is home more, but all the special events seem to take place at the same time so I never get to take advantage of it.”

“He understands,” Merlin assured him.  “You do a lot for him.  Not all kids get as much care and attention from their parents as you put in.  You’re here most every weekend- which I’ll admit I didn’t expect.”

“Already thinking the worst of me, Merlin?” Arthur asked wryly, trying to hide his disappointment.  But then, it’s not like he had done his best to put forth a good first impression.

“Not at all.”  He smiled softly.  “I told you before I thought there had to be a good man in there somewhere.  You hide him well, but he’s there.”

They stood in silence again, but this time it was far more comfortable as Merlin sipped his tea and Arthur ate his dinner.  Occasionally Merlin would pipe up with a tale about something he and Alexander had done during the day, and even though Arthur had likely already seen it happen (though lately he was watching less and less vigilantly), he still found himself tuning in just to listen to Merlin’s lilting voice.

It was when that voice started to lull him to sleep that he realized how late it had become.  “Shite.  I’m sorry, Merlin.  The tube’s long since stopped running.  Let me call you a cab; I’ll pay.”

“That’s okay, Gwaine said he’d pick me up whenever I needed him.  He says I always wake him up anyway when I stumble in half asleep, so he might as well wait up for me.  I texted him while I was heating up your stuff.”

Oh.  Right.  Merlin’s flatmate.  Arthur hadn’t even considered him since Merlin mentioned taking care of him at their first meeting.  He knew the other fellow had picked Merlin up before when it was late, sometimes already sitting in the driveway in his car when Arthur arrived.  Arthur had gotten a peek at him on one of these occasions.  He wasn’t bad looking himself, with long swishy hair and a crooked smile that promised nothing but trouble.

“What does Gwaine do that he has such a flexible schedule?”

Merlin blushed again.  “You’ll laugh,” he muttered.

“At this point I think I’m too tired for that.  Go on.”

“He’s a… well, he’s a psychic.”

“A _psychic_.”  Arthur raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“It’s not like that, okay?” Merlin defended.  “He doesn’t sit on the pier with his crystal ball telling middle aged women where they’ll find love.  He works with the police, helping them with cases.  He’s solved loads of thefts and murders.  Even helped find a missing person or two.”

“I’m sure he’s brilliant,” Arthur smirked.  “You know, for a palm reader.”

Merlin pouted, and it was the most adorable thing Arthur had even seen.  “I take it back.  You’re not nice at all.”

Arthur took a step towards him, crowding him into the counter. “I think you’ll find I can be a very nice person, _Mer_ lin.”

They were barely a few inches apart, and that’s when Arthur’s brain finally caught up with what he was doing and switched into panic mode.  Merlin, too, was frozen in place, blinking rapidly as their eyes locked together.

Lights flashed outside the window.

Merlin broke away first.   “That’s Gwaine,” he said needlessly.

“Right.  Yeah.  You should go.  Need to be here early in the morning after all.”

“And you need to get up early for work.”

“Right.”

They stared at each other for another few seconds.  Then Merlin took a few stumbling steps backward towards the front entry.  “Ehm, bye, Arthur.”

He didn’t give Arthur a chance to say anything in return before he fled the kitchen.  At least, that’s what it looked like to Arthur, who was starting to get terribly annoyed by always being to the one left speechless.

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

Somewhere along the way, Arthur forgot to fire Merlin.  He meant to, and sometimes it would occur to him that it was strange he hadn’t.  He would make plans to do so, but it never seemed to actually happen.  Instead Merlin just ingrained himself deeper and deeper into their lives.

First it was dinner.  After that first night Merlin made a habit of making sure there were leftovers for Arthur to heat up when he got back, and he almost always stayed to chat while Arthur ate them.  Then Merlin would inexplicably be there on the weekends, tidying up a room, doing the laundry, making more food.  He hadn’t yet moved in, but sometimes it seemed he was there more often than his own flat

It was dangerous, and Arthur knew it couldn’t go on, but for some reason he couldn’t seem to do anything to stop it.

“Alexander, I’m on my way out!”  Arthur called towards the playroom as he finished getting ready one morning.

Alexander came running out to give him a hug, one of his toy trains clutched in his fist.  “Bye, Daddy!  Have fun at work.  Can we have chicken soup for lunch? Sefa always made me chicken soup when I’m sick.”

Arthur held Alex out at arm’s length with a frown.  He placed the back of his hand against his son’s forehead.  “You don’t feel warm.  When did you start feeling sick?”

“Not me, silly.  Merlin.”

“Merlin’s sick?”  But he’d shown up that morning.  Arthur hadn’t seen him yet, but he’d heard the two giggling away as Alex narrated a story with his toys.

He let his son lead him back into the playroom.  Merlin lay sprawled out on the floor, staring listlessly at the train tracks.  Unlike Alex, he _did_ look ill.  His face was the colour of curdled milk, except for his flushed cheeks, and his forehead glistened with sweat.

“Merlin, what on earth are you doing here?”  He didn’t mean it to come out as harsh as it did, honest.

Merlin rolled his head up to look at him.  “You needed a sitter. I couldn’t let you down.  I promise I won’t get Alex sick.  Look, I brought hand sanitizer and everything.”  He pointed to a large bottle by his side, accompanied by a half-empty box of tissues.

“Can you even stand?”

“Yes?  I’m fine, Arthur, really.   I swear it won’t affect my job.  I mean, parents do it all the time.”

Arthur rolled his eyes.  He _was_ one of those parents, thank you very much.  And as such he could say with authority that if he was as sick as Merlin looked right now he still would have called someone to take care of Alex.

“You’re right.  So now you’re going to do another thing sick parents do: go to bed.  Come on.”  Arthur heaved him off the floor and settled him on his feet.  Merlin swayed a bit, and Arthur grabbed him around the waist for fear he’d tip over.  “Alex, go get a wastebasket and put it by the bed in the guest room, please.  Then you can go play in your room until I disinfect this one.  I don’t want you catching something.”  The little boy ran to do as he was told.  “Alright, you useless lump.  Let’s get you to bed.”

Merlin tried to argue again, but it came out as more of a garbled moan, so Arthur elected to ignore it.  He tumbled the shivering man into the bed, smoothing the covers over him like he would for Alex.  “You’re to stay here, understand?  I won’t have you infecting my entire house.”

“But Alex.  I need to–”

“You need to _rest_ , Merlin.  I’ll take care of Alex.”  He held up a hand to still the protest.  “I have more than enough sick time to take one day off.  Let’s just say I’m nearly as stubborn when it comes to that as you are.  Take a nap and if you feel better by lunch maybe I’ll go in then.”

Arthur went to fetch a hot water bottle from the bathroom, and by the time he came back, Merlin was fast asleep.  He smoothed Merlin’s damp hair out of his face.  “Stubborn sod.  I don’t expect you to never get ill.”  It would be nice, though.  Arthur would be perfectly happy if Merlin and Alex and Morgana never had bad things happen to them.

Arthur’s hand stilled on Merlin’s cheek.  His eyes were shut tight, and his breathing was slightly heavy from congestion but otherwise steady.  Gently, with the barest pressure he could manage, he pressed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead.

“You need to stop, please,” he whispered.  “You’re making this harder than I can handle.”

Merlin couldn’t make Arthur like him.  Liking led to love, and Arthur could never, never fall in love with Merlin.

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

“Happy birthday, Alexander!”

Arthur did his best not to flinch at the dozens of noisemakers blasting around him.  It was his son’s birthday, some allowances had to be made, and the presence of thirteen six through eight year olds and their excessive volumes was one of them.

Merlin just laughed at his discomfort.  “See, it’s not so terrible, is it?  The house is still standing.”

“That’s because we haven’t allowed any of them in it,” he replied darkly.  “Just wait until one of them has to go to the bathroom.”

“We’ll make them go outside.  You have some lovely bushes what need fertilizing.”

Merlin giggled again at his horrified face then went inside himself to deal with the cake.  He’d been slaving over Alex’s cake for days now, trying new recipes and making Arthur taste all of them.

_“Give me your harshest critiques.  It has to be perfect.”_

_“It’s chocolate.”_

_“I certainly **hope** it’s chocolate, clotpole! It’s intended to be.”_

_“That’s my harshest critique.  I prefer vanilla.”_

_“You would.”_

Merlin was right, the party wasn’t _so_ terrible.  The kids had eaten lunch –made by Merlin– then played a few games –led by Merlin– and now were in a circle watching Alexander open his gifts –which had been arranged into a towering pyramid by Merlin.  Most of them were just toys and games that would be broken by the stampede of children before the party was over.  There were a few gifts of clothing and books from the adults present, and a couple movies that Arthur sighed over while planning in his head how to explain to his son once again why they couldn’t watch them (it wasn’t any nefarious anti-media strike like Morgana always complained about; Arthur simply didn’t see the point in buying a television).

He scowled as Alex opened his next present, a replica airplane.  He had nothing against the model itself, it was more the gift giver that he resented.  Sefa.  That had been another allowance he’d been forced to concede to.  Alex had insisted his old nanny be allowed to attend.  Arthur had put his foot down and refused over and over, but eventually, as he so often did, his son had won, and Sefa was sent an invitation.  He still couldn’t believe the woman had the gall to accept it.

Sefa had glared at Arthur when she first arrived before choosing to ignore him completely.  After that, however, she oddly switched to unleashing her venom on Merlin.  While all of the mothers doted on Merlin, each of them one step away from pinching his cheek and filing adoption papers, Sefa refused to go near her replacement, scowling at him from a distance instead.  Merlin looked hurt by the reaction at first until Morgana sidled up to him and whispered in his ear, then he started to return her looks glare for glare.

Sefa aside, Alexander’s eighth birthday was turning out to be an unmitigated success.  Usually Morgana was in charge of the festivities, but with Merlin’s arrival, she had been more than happy to step back and let him take over.  At least this year Arthur could be sure none of the guests would go home with food poisoning.

Arthur looked back towards the house to see if Merlin was ready yet with the cake, but it looked like he’d been delayed with a phone call.  It was the landline, not his mobile, so Arthur guessed it was another relative to say happy birthday.  Probably his Uncle Agravaine, which meant Arthur should really go inside and speak to him himself.  His son’s laughter brought his attention back to where he’d rather it be, however, and the phone call was forgotten.

That is, until Merlin came out a few seconds later.  “Arthur, someone named Sophia is on the phone.  She wants to talk to Alex, but she refused to tell me who she was, saying ‘I should know.’  I tried to explain to her I couldn’t possibly know every person you’ve ever talked to, but finally I gave up and told her I’d have to ask you first.”

The joy of the day vanished in a wave of fury.  “Of course.”  Merlin flinched at the coldness in his tone and frowned in obvious confusion.  “Let Alex finish opening his last present and then tell him his mother is calling.”

He turned on his heel and stalked into the house and up to his room.

She had to call today, now, while Arthur was happy.  Sophia had a knack for that, like she possessed some kind of radar for when things were finally turning up for him and she just had to crash them back down.

They’d been a whirlwind, him and Sophia.  Not a whirlwind romance, romance had certainly never been involved, but lust and pure physical attraction, Arthur couldn’t deny they had played a factor.  She had been his secretary when he first started working for his father.  He’d still been finishing up his last classes at university, and he’d been so proud of being in a place where he, Arthur Pendragon, had rated his very own secretary.

And Sophia, she had been pretty, and smart, and she’d seen exactly how much Arthur thought of himself and how much he wanted the approval of others.  So she’d given him that approval and more, and before long he’d had her over his shiny mahogany desk in his brand-new office.

His father had found out about the relationship almost immediately and ended it through terminating Sophia’s employment, claiming they had violated the company rules about inter-office relationships.  Sophia had been rightfully furious, as Arthur hadn’t had so much as a pay cut for his side of the transgression, and she was back six weeks later with an announcement of her own.

She was pregnant, and the child was Arthur’s.

She had threatened to slap Arthur with a sexual harassment charge, claiming he’d used his power to coerce her, if he didn’t agree to marry her.  And Arthur was going to do it, too, until Morgana –literally– slapped some sense into him.  He had agreed to support her and the baby, though, insisting he wanted nothing more than to be a part of his son or daughter’s life.

Sophia had held him to that, extorting exorbitant sums of money from him during her pregnancy for hospital bills, labour and parenting courses, and things for the baby.  Arthur had been happy to pay it, even when she didn’t keep up her side of the deal and tell him anything about how the child was developing.  The first time Arthur caught a glimpse of his new son was when Morgana somehow got her hands on a sonogram (he still feared to ask her the details).

As the time got closer and closer to delivery, Arthur begged to be allowed at the hospital, but in the end he wasn’t called until after the baby was cleaned up and Sophia had had a nice long nap and shower.

_“Your time’s up, Arthur.  But perhaps it’s better this way.  Now I’ll have a chance to lose all this weight before I need to fit in a wedding dress.”_

_“Soph, I’m not marrying you.  I told you this.”_

_“Of course you are.  What do you think I went through all this for if not our future marriage?”_

_“All this?  You mean the carrying and birth of our **son**?”_

_“I would have aborted that brat ages ago if you’d told me you weren’t going to change your mind!  How could you do this to me, Arthur?  Do you know what havoc pregnancy wreaks on a woman’s body?”_

Arthur had been furious, and that very night he had filed for full custody of his son.  Sophia had barely put up a fight, telling him if he hadn’t she’d been planning on simply giving him away to the nanny she’d already picked out.  Like he was just some kind of fruit basket to be re-gifted to a more willing recipient.

After finding out Arthur wanted him, she had kept some of her rights, though.  Just enough so she could butt into their lives and mess things up royally if she ever wished.  She’d kept quiet for the most part, only calling twice a year for Christmas and Alex’s birthday.  Frankly Arthur was surprised she remembered the second one.  Probably she had it as an automatic alert on her mobile calendar.

There was a knock on his door.  “Arthur, are you okay?  You left kinda suddenly.”

Merlin stood in the doorway, face pinched with concern.  That was Merlin, always concerned about him.  Always thinking about Arthur.  Always wonderful and attractive and _there_.  Like Sophia had been.  And his employee, like Sophia had been.

Arthur knew there was something more there, feelings that had not been present with Sophia, but far from making things better, that made them far worse.  Arthur had been crushed by Sophia’s betrayal.  If Merlin turned on him next… He couldn’t allow it to happen.

“I’m fine Merlin.  What are you doing up here?  You should be downstairs watching the children.”

“Morgana’s keeping an eye on them,” he shrugged.  “So, Alex’s mum, huh?  I’d started to wonder if he’d just popped out of the ground one day.  He certainly doesn’t take after y–”

“Shut up, Merlin,” he snapped, far harsher than he ever had, even on their first day.  “You’d best mind to stay out of things you don’t understand and are none of your damn business.”

Merlin’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t back down.  “I was just worried, you prat.  You looked upset when I told you she called.”

“It’s no matter of yours what goes on between me and Alexander’s mother.  You are not my _friend_ , Merlin.  You are my _employee_.  You should take care to remember that.”

“As you wish, _sire_ ,” Merlin bit back, eyes glinting with steel.  “I’ll do my best not to disturb your majesty’s privacy again.  Now if _you_ don’t mind, it’s time to join your son for some royal birthday cake.”  He slammed the door on the way out.

It was for the best.  It had to be.  Merlin would understand one day.  And maybe after that so would Arthur.

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

_CRASH!_

Arthur sprinted up the stairs, bracing himself for the pained screams that were sure to follow.  Hearing none, his heart instantly dropped.  No sound meant unconscious, which meant head trauma, which meant–

“Hi, Daddy.”

The floor of the bedroom was covered in shards of china, porcelain, and glass.  And right in the middle of the chaos was his newly eight-year-old son.  Alexander looked around at his mess with a critical eye, as if deciding whether the destruction was to his standards.  He lazily twirled around two long dowel rods, one in each hand.

“What on earth happened in here?”  The glass Arthur could tell came from the shattered picture frame above the bedside table, and he recognised the pattern on the china as matching their fine dinner plates.  The identity of the porcelain was what he wanted to deny, but there was no mistaking the teddy bear figurine lamp.

“I was trying to spin plates, like we saw at the circus!”

Arthur had to take several breaths to calm himself.  He was talking to a child here.  Obviously there was more to the story than he was letting on.  “The circus.  When did you go to the circus?”

“Merlin and Gwaine took me yesterday!  Gwaine knows all the circus people.  He introduced me to the cannonball man!  Then the cannonball man taught me how to spin plates!”  Alex pouted at the mess on the floor.  “I’m not very good at it yet, though.”

Arthur sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, doing his best not to let his rising anger be seen by his son.  “Don’t try to move about.  I’ll carry you out so you don’t get cut.” He picked his way through the shards and lifted Alex out of the mess, setting him down safely in the hallway.  “You can play downstairs until I get this cleaned up.  We’ll talk about your career as a plate spinner later.  Go on.”

Since it was only Saturday, Arthur was able to use the entire weekend to stew.  He didn’t have a chance to talk to Merlin on Monday morning before he left for work, so it wasn’t until he arrived home that night that the man was clued in on his mistake.

Before Merlin could take off like he usually would, Arthur dragged him into the kitchen while Alex was upstairs brushing his teeth.  “You took him to the circus.  Without asking me?”

 

Merlin frowned, confused.  “You said I could take him on trips if something came up and he wanted to go.  You never minded when I took him to the museum a few weeks ago.”

 

“That was the museum.  It's an educational experience.  This was a _circus_.”

 

“Yes, a circus,” Merlin mocked.  “Which has committed the terrible crime of serving no purpose but being _fun_.”

 

“Circuses are dangerous.  Things go wrong all the time.  What if an accident had happened and someone had died right there in front of him?  Alexander could have been scarred forever.  Not to mention they're filthy and crowded and filled with miscreants off the street who weren't skilled enough to do anything useful with their lives.”

Part of Arthur knew he was being ridiculous, spouting back the same rhetoric his father had once told him when he was a child.  But there was another part that relished this opportunity to yell at Merlin.  Fighting was easier.  He didn’t have to admit anything to himself that he didn’t want to so long as they were irritated with each other.

Ever since Alex’s birthday party, Arthur had been panicking.  He knew he had to do something.  If Merlin found out there was a possibility Arthur had feelings for him, he would use it against him.  Arthur could be facing another sexual harassment charge (especially considering the presence of the cameras Arthur still hadn’t told him about).  And this time there would be no marriage or child to convince Merlin to back down from pressing charges.

And worst of all, he would lose Merlin.

“They aren't miscreants!  Gwaine's known them for years.”

“I rest my case.”

“Gwaine is my best friend.  He's worked hard to gain the respect he has within the police force.  What do you have against him?  You've never even met him!”

“And I'm sure you know him quite well, don't you, Merlin?” The cruel words were out before he could stop them.  “One might even say Biblically.”

Merlin flushed deeply, though whether it was from embarrassment or fury was unclear.  

“I don't think that's any of your business if I do,” he answered stiffly.

“It is when you're bringing my son around to meet your fuckbuddies.  He's eight years old.”

“Well, damn, there go my plans to do it in front of him!”

“So you admit you’re sleeping with him!”

Merlin’s confusion was back, though it far from overshadowed his anger.  “Which are you actually mad at me about?  That I took Alex to the circus or that Gwaine went with us?”

“What are you-” Arthur sputtered, “the _circus_ of course!  I couldn’t care _less_ about-  Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin.”

Merlin smirked.  “Oh.  Because it sounded to me like you might be a bit jealous.”

Oh, but Arthur was.  He burned with envy that there might be someone else out there who was able to actually show Merlin affection and have it returned in kind.  That someone else got to be the recipient of his smiles and laughter.  To touch and be touched.

But envy was not a useful emotion in this case, and it wasn’t fair to take it out on Merlin.  It was good that Merlin had someone else.  And so long as Arthur could remember that his attraction to Merlin was pointless because Merlin had someone else and thus would never be interested or available for Arthur, there was no need for Merlin to ever know about it.

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with children, Merlin,” he answered, keeping his voice cool.  “You’re starting to think like one.  Just because I don’t want my son exposed to exposés of death-defying stunts with people I’ve never met before doesn’t mean I care what you’re doing with said strangers out of his sight.  I would simply appreciate if you would ask me first before just _doing_ things with him, especially outside the house.”   _Where I can’t keep an eye on you._  “And maybe introduce me to people before just handing my kid over to them.”

“That’s… actually fair,” Merlin nodded, seeming to settle down to light annoyance.  “Okay, I will run any more field trips by you beforehand.  But you’re not meeting Gwaine.  I won’t bring him around Alex anymore if that makes you feel better, but I have to live with this guy and he’s my _mate_.  I don’t need you scaring him away or him harping at me about how I shouldn’t work for such an arse.”  He gave a quiet snort and muttered, “Especially when I already _know_ that.”

Arthur made the diplomatic decision to ignore that comment.  “I can accept that compromise.”

“Good.”

Alex skipped into the kitchen.  “Daddy!  I’m ready for bed!”

“So is daddy,” he sighed.  “Come on, duck.  Let’s get you tucked in.  Say goodnight to Merlin.”

“Night, Merlin!”  Alex ran over to give Merlin a hug, tilting up his face to receive a kiss on the forehead.

“Good night, little guy.”

Arthur scooped his son up on one hip and carried him to bed, plopping him down on the mattress.  Alexander scurried under the covers, just as he did every night, always eager for his story.  Arthur picked up the book from the nightstand, but for once Alex wasn’t quite as ready as usual.

“Daddy, are you going to marry Merlin?”

Arthur nearly choked on his own saliva.  “Mar- what?  What makes you ask that?”

“I saw you kissing him when he was sick.  People who kiss each other get married, right?”

“Not- not _always_ , duck.” Arthur fought to recover from his shock.  “I kiss you, don’t I?  Are we getting married?”

Alex giggled.  “No!”

“Are you sure?” he teased.  “I was hoping you would be the one to wear the dress at our wedding.”

“No, Daddy!”

Arthur faked a sniffle.  “Okay.  Guess I’ll have to cancel the church.  And no more kisses for you.”

His teasing had distracted Alex enough Arthur could read him his book, and by the end the little boy was yawning wide enough to crack his jaw.  Every time Arthur tried to stop, though, Alex would insist they make it to the end.  Once the book had been put down and Arthur had tucked his son in and given him a goodnight kiss, Alex smiled sleepily up at him.

“I would be okay if you married Merlin, Daddy.  I like him.”

“That’s nice, duck.  But Merlin and I really _aren’t_ getting married.”

“But why did you kiss him then?  Auntie Morgana says only people who love each other kiss.  Do you love Merlin?”

“I…” He couldn’t even explain his feelings to himself.  How was he supposed to explain to a child?  “It’s complicated, okay?  Look, I need you to promise something.  Don’t talk about this with Merlin.  Not the getting married or that- that _thing_ you thought you saw.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” he didn’t think _“Because I said so_ ” would go over very well here.  “Because I’d like for this to be our little secret.  Can you do that?”

Alex brightened, thrilled as ever when trusted with something important.  “Okay, Daddy!  It’ll be the best secret ever.”

“Good.  Now don’t let me forget to change the light over your bed.  It’s getting a bit dim.”

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

“Arthur?  Arthur, can you hear me?  Alex, you did good, love, but I need you to go wait for the ambulance now.  Tell me when they get here, okay?  Arthur, if you can hear me open your eyes.  Don’t try to move, just open your eyes.”

Arthur obeyed the muddled voice, not because he was particularly eager to leave the painless world of black for the rising ache, but because the voice sounded so sad.  Arthur hated hearing that voice so sad.  He’d do anything to make it not sad anymore.

Merlin’s pale face loomed over him, eyes wide and fearful.  His hands were gently but firmly holding Arthur’s head in place.  They were cold, and Arthur could feel them tremble.  “Arthur,” he breathed in clear relief.  His lips relaxed into a tremulous smile.  “Hey there, you.  It seems you’ve had a bit of a tumble.  I’ve called the ambulance, and you’re going to be fine.  But I need you to stay with me until the doctors come for you, okay?”

Arthur wanted to reassure him.  Of course he would stay with Merlin.  That was the whole point of everything, wasn’t it, that he wanted Merlin to stay forever?  He opened his mouth to promise staying was obviously the only option for either of them, but Merlin oddly didn’t look comforted.

“Don’t try to talk right now.”  Merlin removed one of his hands to card through Arthur’s hair.  “I know that’s hard for you, not being able to listen to your own pompous voice, but you just need to stay calm.  I’m your nanny, aren’t I?  How about I sing you a song?”

Arthur didn’t want a song.  He wanted the buzzing to stop.  He wanted the sharp numbness to go away.  He wanted Merlin to kiss him and never stop.

Merlin didn’t seem to be interested in any of that, though.  He just opened his mouth and started to sing.

_“Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,_   
_Lavender's green._   
_When you are King, dilly dilly,_   
_I shall be Queen.”_

Arthur recognized the lyrics.  One of his nannies –had they been au pairs too?– had sung it to him when he was just a child.  He hadn’t sung to Alex since he was a baby.  Maybe he should start again.  Or Merlin could.  Merlin had a wonderful voice.  He would ask Merlin to sing to him again sometime, after he teased him for calling himself a queen.  Much as Arthur was liking it, though, the singing didn’t seem to be making Merlin very happy.  He was still smiling, but there were tears in his eyes.

_“Lavender’s green dilly, dilly,_   
_Lavender’s blue._   
_You must love me, dilly, dilly_   
_‘cause I love you.”_

“Merlin!  The ambulance is here!”

Merlin cut off his singing abruptly to yell back, “Bring them up here!”  He lowered his voice again to say, much more shakily than before, “Did you hear that, Arthur?  Help is here.  You’re going to be fine.  Everything is going to be fine.”

It would make Arthur feel better if Merlin sounded a bit more like he believed his own words.  He would have said as much too, but suddenly Merlin was gone and replaced with dozens of faces and hands belonging to people he had never seen before.  Arthur panicked, trying to get away and get back to Merlin, but the hands held him down and yelled at him to stay calm, don’t move.  Were they the police?  Had he done something wrong?  Hard walls closed his face in and something was binding his arms to his sides.  The numbness was quickly leaving, but the sharp grew and grew and grew until it turned white and he knew no more.

_Who told you so, dilly dilly,_   
_Who told you so?_   
_'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly,_   
_That told me so._

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

Arthur came to in a room he didn’t recognize.  His head pounded and there was a throbbing ache in his leg.

“Alex?” he mumbled, forcing the words through a dry throat, “Where’s Alex?”

“He’s fine, Arthur.  Everything is fine,” Morgana promised soothingly, which he hadn’t known was even possible from her.  “Everything is going to be fine.”

Arthur wasn’t so sure his hand was included in everything, as Morgana was currently squeezing the life out of it.  She sat on a rigid chair by his bed, tray pulled up next to it to hold her laptop and a stack of folders.  That put most of his worries to rest at least.  His sister wouldn’t be working if something was actually wrong.  “Either everything _is_ fine, or everything is _going_ to be fine.  You can’t have both.”

“Not where you’re involved, certainly.”  Morgana held up her free hand to reveal her mobile, which she began tapping away on.  She nodded towards it.  “Merlin is watching Alex at home right now. You’ll see him when Merlin and I switch shifts for the night.  Which may be sooner than planned now that I’ve told him you’re awake.  Father promised to stop by tomorrow, as soon as he’s back from Munich.”

Arthur waited for more, but Morgana seemed perfectly content now to continue texting on her mobile, though her grip didn’t loosen.  “Now that we’ve established my future social calendar…  Perhaps we could cover my schedule from the past… how long has it been?”

“Only about a day, don’t worry.”  Despite her light tone, Arthur saw the worry hidden in his sister’s eyes.  He decided to do her the favour of not calling her on it.  “You fell when you were… whatever it was you decided just had to be done at that second all by your pretentious self and not by a trained professional!”

“Morgana, I was changing a _lightbulb_.  I was hardly going to call an electrician.”

He flushed with mortification that such a simple task had gone so terribly wrong.  He’d come home from work, dismissed Merlin for the night, and sent Alexander to pick up his toys in the playroom while he worked on the light in his room.  Since he wasn’t Goliath, he’d had to drag over the small kid’s chair from Alex’s colouring table.  Which, in hindsight, probably wasn’t the brightest idea he’d ever come up with.

“Well next time you had better.  You’re lucky Alexander was there and stayed composed enough to call Merlin so Merlin could call 999.  I’ve already told him you owe him an enormous present, to go with the dozens Merlin’s heaped upon him already.  Though most of those have been to keep the both of them calm enough not to glue themselves to your bedside.”

He owed Merlin big time, too.  Arthur vaguely recalled Merlin by his side at some point, though he couldn’t remember more than that.

“You hit your head on the clothes chest and knocked yourself out.  And because that wasn’t good enough for you, you had to injure the other end of your body as well.  The doctor says you’ll probably need to be off your ankle for at least a month, maybe longer depending on what the scans say.”

Arthur groaned, and would have thumped his head back against his pillow if it weren’t for his raging headache and Morgana’s fierce glare.  He couldn’t afford to be on crutches right now, or any time for that matter.  “I’ll be more careful next time, Morgs, I promise.”

“I should think so.  Arthur, what if it had been worse?  What if you hadn’t woken up?  If you’d died?  Did you even think what would happen to Alexander without you?”

His blood ran cold.  If he’d died, Alexander would have been left, for all intents and purposes, an orphan.  Sophia certainly wasn’t going to be overcome by maternal instinct just because Arthur wasn’t around anymore.  Morgana would take him in, of course, and Uther would ensure he had access to anything his heart desired, but neither of them could replace a child’s father.

“We didn’t know what was going to happen to you.”  Morgana’s voice was so soft Arthur could barely understand it.  He could hear the fear in his sister’s tone, though, fear for him that she never showed if she could help it.  “Merlin said you were speaking gibberish when he found you, and you looked so confused.  We were so afraid you damaged something beyond repair.  The doctors promised that the bleeding was minimal, but no one could say for certain until you woke up.”

Arthur’s stomach clenched.  He hated that he’d been the cause of so much worry for his family.  He gave Morgana’s hand a gentle squeeze.  “Hey.  I’m going to be fine.  You said so yourself.”

Morgana sniffed, clearly trying to regain her aloof composure.  “Right.  Well.  I should go let Gaius know you’re awake.”  She leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead.  “I’m glad you’re okay, little brother.”

Morgana stayed by his side as Gaius, their father’s physician and old family friend, examined him.  He confirmed her story about the minimal damage to his brain, though he was ordered to take it easy for a long while.  Even easier with his foot.  “I want to get an MRI, but I fear you may have a small tear in one of your ankle ligaments.  We’ll give you crutches, but I want you to stay off it entirely as much as you can.”

“I have a job to do,” Arthur protested, “and I have to take care of my son.”

“You can make George do your running about in the office,” Morgana dismissed.  “And I’ll come stay with you to take care of running your household.”

Arthur stifled a groan.  He loved his sister with all his heart, but how she even managed to keep herself alive was a mystery.  He didn’t even dare eat one of her sandwiches without a living will prepared.  Morgana always scowled when he complained about her cooking, but he suspected she ordered in food every night rather than subject even herself to her experiments in the kitchen.

“That arrangement will be perfectly satisfactory,” Gaius agreed.   _That’s because you don’t have to be there._  “But I’d like you to take at least a week of bed rest before you go back to your job.  More if you can manage it.”

“Thank you, Gaius.” Morgana shook his hand.  “I’ll talk to Uther about giving him a leave of absence.  It’s not like he doesn’t have plenty of sick days.”

Gaius left to see to his other patients, and soon he was replaced by a sprinting child launching himself onto Arthur’s bed.

“Careful, Alex!  Remember, we talked about being gentle with Daddy.”  Merlin entered the room much more slowly, stopping just barely in the doorway.

Both Arthur and Alexander ignored Merlin’s protests, hugging each other tightly.  Arthur murmured assurances in his son’s ear and praised him for his quick thinking.  “Aunt Morgana says I have you to thank for getting me to the doctor quickly.  You did good, little duck.”

“Did you hear me talking to you while you were sleeping, Daddy?  Merlin told me I had to tell you a story while you were asleep until he got there.  He said it would make you feel better.”

Arthur ruffled his son’s hair.  “Yeah, duck, it made me feel much better.  You know how much I love your stories.”

“Merlin and me are gonna make you a cake for when you get home!  It can be any kind of cake you want!  Do you want chocolate, Daddy?  I _love_ chocolate cake.”

Arthur laughed.  “Sure, we can have chocolate cake.”

While Alexander cheered over his cake, Arthur took the chance to have another look at Merlin.  He still stood by the doorway, nervously shuffling on his feet as if unsure of his welcome.  Morgana followed his gaze.

“Merlin is going to stay the night with you, Arthur.  We’ve been switching off so that one of us is around to watch Alex.”

“I don’t need–” Arthur started to protest.  Then he took in the stress clearly showing in the lines of Merlin’s face and remembered Morgana’s fearful eyes.  “Thanks.  I probably won’t be very good company, though.  I’m feeling pretty tired.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, but looked far more relaxed now that he’d been given the blessing to stay.  “Says the man who’s been asleep for nearly 20 hours.”

“I’m making up for all those late nights working.”

Merlin gave an odd little frown.  “I think you need more than 20 hours to make up for that.”

“And he’ll get it.”  Morgana finished packing up her laptop.  “Come on, Alex.  Time to get dinner.  How would you some nice chicken?”

Alex smiled brightly, and Merlin winced.  “Actually, Auntie Morgana, Merlin made stew!  Don’t worry, there was enough left over so you can have some too!”

Arthur laughed, and Morgana just scowled.  “I _was_ going to let you stay up late tonight, but I guess you must be as tired as Daddy, hmm?  Looking for an early night?”

Alex’s eyes opened wide, and he scampered off the bed to give Morgana an apologetic hug.  Morgana winked at him and shuffled him out the door.

“Try to get him to bed before ten at least!” Arthur called after them, knowing it was useless.

Merlin stayed in his awkward post by the door.  “I’m just gonna… yeah.  Food.”  Then he scurried away.

Arthur didn’t have a clue what that was about.  Merlin was an oddity, but he never acted so _weird_.  It had to be something to do with the accident.  Merlin was apparently the one who had called the ambulance, then stayed with him until it came.  Had something happened then that he hadn’t told Morgana about?  Or maybe he too had been afraid that Arthur’s faculties had been knocked from him for good.

Arthur would just have to reassure him that his mind was just as intact as it had been before.  If he could do it for Morgana, it couldn’t be that much more difficult.

A nurse came into the room with a small paper cup.  “The doctor prescribed these pain meds for you.  He wants to keep you one more night for observation, but after that you can go home.”

Arthur knew he should wait until he had some food before taking the pills, but the throb of his ankle convinced him otherwise.  The combination of his current exhaustion coupled with his empty stomach meant the medication acted quickly and strongly, and he found himself fighting to keep his eyes open as Merlin returned to the room with a loaded tray.

“Hey, no.  I know you’re tired, Arthur, but you need to eat.  Come on, just a few bites.”  Merlin settled the rolling table over his lap and pressed a button on the bed to elevate Arthur into a reclined sitting position.  “That’s it.  I’ll feed you if I have to, but you’re going to have some food one way or another.”

There was no _way_ Arthur was going to let Merlin feed him, even if his body did feel like lead.  He forced himself to spoon a bit of reconstituted potatoes into his mouth.  In between bites he ventured, “Morgana says I need to thank you, too.  For saving me.”

Merlin blushed, eyes casting down to the bed.  “I didn’t save you.  Not really.  Alex is the one who–”

“But you were the one who called 999.  And you told Alex how to take care of me until the paramedics came.”

“It was nothing.  I couldn’t just–” Merlin swallowed thickly.  “I couldn’t have just left you there.”

“Was I really talking gibberish?  Morgana says you told her I was.”

Merlin looked back up at him, confused.  “You don’t remember?”

“I don’t really remember much of anything after the fall.  Singing maybe?  That must have been part of Alex’s story.”

“Must have been,” Merlin agreed softly.  He looked strangely disappointed, as if he _wanted_ Arthur to remember his accident.  Arthur couldn’t say he agreed.  He was perfectly fine not recalling the initial trauma.  “Yes, you woke up and I tried talking to you, but I don’t know if you really understood me.  You answered back and it didn’t make sense.  Not to me, anyway.”

“I was probably saying something stupid anyway,” Arthur tried to reassure him with a smile.  It was broken with a yawn.  “Besides, when have you ever listened to me?”

“Never,” Merlin agreed.  He took the spoon from Arthur’s slackening grip.  “That’s good enough.  You can go to sleep now.”

Arthur gratefully let his eyes drop the rest of the way closed.  His breathing eased, and he was just on the cusp of unconsciousness when Merlin started talking again.  Arthur tried his best to wake back up, but the best he could do was listen so he could maybe mumble an answer if needed.

“You’re a real prat, you know?” Merlin murmured, his voice fond, but sad.  “Of course you wouldn’t remember.” He sighed.  “I guess it’s for the best, at least for now.  You’d probably panic.  That’s why I never told you before.”

Arthur dimly felt Merlin take his hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb.  “It’s still true though.  Against all odds, even though you do your best to make me hate you.  Yes, I _did_ notice.  But I’m stubborn, maybe even more than you sometimes.  It’s going to take more than that to drive me away.”  His pitched his voice down to a whisper, and Arthur had to strain through his sleep-induced haze to make him out.

“I love you, Arthur.”

 

\--------------------

 

 

Morgana came by in the morning so she could take him home.  Arthur pretended to be asleep until he heard her arrive.  He didn’t know what he was so afraid of.  It wasn’t like Merlin knew he’d been overheard.  But Arthur had a terrible feeling it would show plain as day on his face that he had.

What was he supposed to say?  The truth was out of the question.  But could he really look Merlin in the eye and tell him he felt nothing?

These were what his carefully constructed barriers were meant to prevent.  Curse Merlin for insisting on ploughing right through them.

“-and, Morgana, you’ll still be staying with Arthur while he’s on bed rest?”

“Actually, Gaius, Merlin will be.  He’s there at the house all the time already to take care of Alexander.  He may as well move in for a few days.”

“He may as well _what_?” Arthur couldn’t help but sputter.  Oh no, there was no way he could survive being in such close proximity to Merlin for that long without going mad.  Merlin, for all his secret proclamations of love, didn’t look any more excited by the prospect than Arthur did.

“It only makes sense, Arthur, dear.”  Arthur was sure he wasn’t imagining the teasing smirk on Morgana’s face.  “I would have to be going in and out anyway to deal with things in the office, and you know you’d far rather eat Merlin’s cooking than mine.  It’s perfect, really.”

Arthur couldn’t disagree with that, but he still didn’t like it.

“That’s settled then.  Merlin, why don’t you take Alexander and pick up some things at your place, and Arthur and I will finish up here and meet you at home?”

Merlin seemed to have decided protesting was pointless, simply doing as Morgana had said and chivvying Arthur’s son away.  Gaius followed him out to continue with discharge instructions, leaving Arthur alone with Morgana.

“It’s _perfect?_  Did the meaning of the word ‘perfect’ change while I was unconscious?  Merlin can’t stay with me.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow knowingly.  “Why, because you’ll finally have to admit you like him?  That’s exactly why he _needs_ to move in.”

Arthur sighed.  So they were back to this argument again.  “Morgana, I told you, it can’t work.  He’s my –”

“Arthur,” she interrupted firmly.  “Merlin is not Sophia.  You have to stop letting your feelings about her overshadow your feelings about Merlin.  This is different, _he’s_ different, and you know it.”

“You’re right, it is different.  I have a son to think of now.  Alexander loves Merlin.  I can’t risk doing anything that might ruin that.”

“What exactly do you think is going to happen to ruin things?  Are you planning to hurt him?  Because I’ve seen Merlin with you, and he would hurt himself before he let anything happen to you.”

Honestly, Arthur really did believe that.  Hadn’t he just heard Merlin admit to keeping his feelings secret for fear of Arthur freaking out?  Which Arthur was, and that only proved his own point.

“I don’t have to plan it.  It would happen, I know it, you know, even Merlin knows it.”  Arthur sighed.  “We just can’t, Morgana.  Please leave it be.”

“Oh, Arthur,” Morgana cupped a hand to his cheek.  “I hope one day you change your mind.  I just want you to be happy.”

 

 

\--------------------

 

 

Merlin moved in.

The happiness Morgana wanted for him almost seemed like it might have been within Arthur’s reach at times.  Merlin and Alex would spend their days in Arthur’s bedroom, playing board games or card games with him to pass the time.  Sometimes it would just be him and Alexander and they would trade stories.  It was the most time he’d been able to spend with his son without constantly being interrupted by work since the boy was born.

They ate meals right on the bedspread for a while until Arthur was allowed to join them downstairs.  Merlin fussed over him the entire way to the table the first time, until Arthur snapped at him to stop treating him like an invalid.  Merlin just huffed and threatened to eat the rest of his cake.

(That had been a surprise when he came home to find the chocolate cake Alex had requested had turned out to be secretly one quarter vanilla.  Merlin had blushed furiously when Arthur stammered a thank you.)

Thanks to Alex, he and Merlin were never really alone in the same room together for any extended period of time.  It was a blessing really, a perfect way for Arthur to avoid thinking about all the ways this seemingly idyllic scene they had going on was bound to come crashing to an end.

He couldn’t avoid it once night fell, however, and that was when his happiness vanished as if it had never existed.  Merlin was in his house.  He was just down the hall in the guest bedroom, and all Arthur had to do to see him was open the door.  That road led to disaster of course.  Arthur never, ever let himself go into Merlin’s adopted room.  But it didn’t stop him thinking about what might happen, perhaps catching the man just as he was changing for the night, pressing him into the bed and kissing him and holding him and never letting go.  He silently brought himself off to it on more than one occasion, always making sure to take care to clean everything himself afterwards.

(Merlin yelled at him the first –and only, thank goodness – time he caught him attempting to do his laundry.  When Arthur mumbled something about feeling useless, Merlin had put him to work folding.  He never questioned why Arthur’s sheets had been the only thing in the load.)

He went back to work after two weeks, still on crutches, and Merlin stayed, helping Arthur up the stairs when he was exhausted at the end of the day. He carried Arthur’s things out to Elyan in the morning, always making sure he was on hand if Arthur needed anything fetched on the weekends.  Arthur’s scan of his foot finally came in, and finding nothing seriously wrong with his ankle, he was allowed off crutches a few days later.

Still Merlin didn’t move back out.  Neither of them brought it up, and nothing forced them to acknowledge it, so they didn’t, continuing to revolve awkwardly around each other.

It was slowly killing Arthur, though, and Merlin was starting to show the stress of it too.  He didn’t know how much longer they could keep it up before one of them broke.  There had to be a tipping point, there always was.  He feared what they would find on the other side of the ledge.

Sometimes the only thing he could do to calm his frazzled nerves was take a walk around the property.  He would grab a light coat and a torch and stroll aimlessly through the dark until his ankle throbbed and his body was weary enough to drag his mind into sleep.  Morgana frowned when she saw how tired he looked each day at the office, but she didn’t say anything, probably attributing it to his increased workload since he returned from his “holiday.”

It seemed he wasn’t the only one using a late night coping method.  One night as he was making his way to the back door, a noise in the kitchen caught his attention.  Arthur clutched his mobile in his hand, ready to call Leon and get a security team to surround his house within ten minutes, then peeked around the corner.

Merlin bustled around the room, stirring a mixture in one of Arthur’s large bowls.  The counter was laden with ingredients, all spread about haphazardly in the way Merlin was always lecturing Alexander they shouldn’t be when one was cooking.  There was an egg yolk abandoned by the mixer and Merlin had flour all through his hair and smeared across his pyjamas.  There was a dollop of chocolate on one cheek.

Arthur wanted nothing more than to lick it off.

“Hey,” Arthur said, wincing as Merlin startled and nearly dropped the bowl.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.  What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he shrugged, avoiding Arthur’s gaze and stirring more vigorously.  “You?”

“Same.  I was going to take a walk.  Never thought about baking myself to sleep.  Can’t complain, though.  I’ve grown addicted to your cupcakes.”

“Oh, is that the reason you keep me around?”  Merlin tried to joke, but it fell flat and they returned to awkward silence.

This was ridiculous.  They were two grown adults.  They could talk to each other like it.  “Have you thought about whether you’d like to stay on once the school year starts?”  Or maybe they couldn’t, because Arthur was a coward and could never approach anything with Merlin directly.

Merlin’s stirring slowed, and he put down the bowl on the counter, landing it on top of the egg yolk with a squelch.  “I don’t know yet.  I’d like to.  I guess it depends.”

“On what?”

He looked up.  “On whether I’m wanted or not.”

Oh.   _Oh._  “You’re- of course, you’re wanted,” he stammered.  Now he was the one who couldn’t look Merlin in the eye.  “Alexander loves you.”

“It’s an important thing that your charge like you,” Merlin agreed.  “But I was hoping that Alex wasn’t the only one who felt that way.”

“I…”   _I love you too.  I love you more than him even._  He couldn’t say it.  He couldn’t.  “You’re an excellent au pair.  I won’t object to your continued employment should you choose to stay.”  He turned to go before his heart tried to overpower his brain on the matter.

“ _Arthur_ ,” Merlin said softly, and it was so pleading he had to turn back.  “Arthur, please stop pushing me away.”

Merlin hunched against the fridge, arms slung around his middle protectively, spatula still clutched in one hand.  His eyes sought Arthur’s out again, and they were so sad, so _wanting_ , Arthur didn’t know what to do.  He felt his walls crumbling with every second they stared each other down.

“I’m not pushing you away, Merlin,” he admitted finally.  “I’m pulling myself back.”

“But _why_?  I don’t under- Arthur, please, just tell me if you–  Have I done something wrong?”

“No, God no, Merlin. It’s not your fault.  Believe me, Merlin, it’s far from being you–”

Arthur didn’t get to finish his reassurances because suddenly Merlin’s mouth was on his and stealing his words along with his breath.  His lips were soft, with the barest hint of chocolate sweetness.  Just as he got over his shock enough to consider whether he should reciprocate or shove, Merlin was pulling back, though he kept his hand pressed against Arthur’s pounding heart.  He looked at him mournfully again, but with the slightest bit of hope.

“I looked up iTunes’ terms of service, by the way,” he said out of the blue.  “You’re right.  I need to learn to read these kinds of contract more thoroughly.  I guess I tend to miss clauses I don’t want to see.”

He sighed, and his hand tightened reflexively in Arthur’s shirt for a moment.

“Look.  One of two things has to happen here, Arthur.  Either you have to stop running or I have to leave.  Because so long as I’m here, I’m not sure I can stop myself from wanting to do that again.”

Arthur’s heart raced even faster, and he was filled with fear.  Fear that Merlin would leave, fear that he would stay and in so staying destroy Arthur forever.  The fear paralyzed him, and before long Merlin realized he wasn’t going to get an answer.  He sighed and pushed himself away, breaking all contact.

“I’ll fulfil my contract to the end of the summer.  That should give you plenty of time to find another nanny.”  He walked away, leaving a mess of the kitchen and a mess of Arthur.

Arthur yearned to call after him, to reach out and pull Merlin close and kiss him until he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly what Arthur wanted.

All he managed, however, was a strangled whisper long after the click of Merlin’s door floated down the stairs.

“But how will I find another you?”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, what's that over there? *Sneakily posts chapter from other direction and runs away*

 

Arthur was sure Merlin couldn’t mean it.  He couldn’t.  Alexander never came up to him begging him to make Merlin stay, and Arthur was sure that Merlin would tell him first, try to prepare him.  His son had grown as attached to the floppy-haired, goofy-eared, crooked-smiling man as Arthur had.  Letting him go would shatter them both.

And so as long as Merlin didn’t mean it, Arthur was choosing to believe it wasn’t happening.

Yes, Merlin now stayed in his room rather than see him off in the morning, but he hadn’t moved out, and Arthur still left him a note with his duties for the day.  No, Merlin didn’t make him dinner anymore when he came home late, but Arthur had started coming home in time to eat with him and Alexander.

Arthur had taken to watching the video feed religiously again, just to see a smile on Merlin’s face.  He never got to see it in person anymore.  Sometimes Merlin would go into another room, leaving Alex alone.  Arthur was sorely tempted to follow him with the cameras and see what he was hiding, but he knew it wouldn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know.  It wasn’t Merlin who was hiding his feelings.  Only Arthur had that problem.

Apparently his feelings weren’t hidden well enough though, because he still had to deal with pitying looks from Morgana.  She came by for dinner one Saturday and, after sitting through the stilted conversation between the two men, pulled him aside while Merlin and Alexander cleaned up.

“What did you do?”

Arthur slumped, utterly exhausted.  “Nothing.  That’s the problem.”

“Oh, Arthur.  You don’t have to do this to yourself, you know.”

The thing was, Arthur did know that.  He knew he didn’t have to push Merlin away, that he could give in and let them both be happy.  But when it all came crashing down, the fall would be far too great for Arthur to ever recover from.

He wasn’t prepared for someone else to pull the rug out from under him again.

He was on his way home for the day, video feed pulled up on his laptop while they drove.   Merlin and Alexander were making a fort in the middle of the den, using possibly every blanket in the entire house.  He hoped they didn’t plan for everyone to sleep there.  There was no way Arthur could fall asleep in such close proximity to Merlin, but he didn’t relish trying to shiver his way through the night on his bed without his duvet either.

Suddenly both Merlin and Alex turned their heads as if a sound had caught their attention.  Unfortunately the volume had shorted out on the laptop a few days ago and Arthur hadn’t had the time to get it fixed, so he wasn’t sure what they’d heard.  Alex’s face lit up, and he scrambled out of the fort.  Arthur automatically switched between cameras to track him through the house.  Merlin followed him, quickly catching up to hold Alexander back, slowing him down then proceeding to the front door with Alexander close behind.

Merlin’s lips moved cheerily as he opened the door, greeting whoever stood on the other side.  The smile vanished instantly, however, and Merlin slowly backed away, tucking Alex tightly behind him.

Arthur froze as the dark barrel of a gun entered the camera frame.  “No.  No, no, _no_!”

“Sir?  Arthur, what’s going on?”

“Drive, Elyan.  Just drive!”  His panicked tone must have explained enough, because Elyan increased his speed as much as he could on the busy London streets.

Arthur smashed his cursor down on the silent alarm, clicking it over and over as if that could bring help faster.  Then, not trusting anything at this point, he whipped his mobile from his pocket and dialled, numb fingers fumbling with the keys.

On the screen, Merlin flinched, but refused to move away from Alex.  He continued backing towards the doorway to the den, the boy forced to move with him.  The gun followed him too, however, and a dark shadow appeared in the corner of the screen.  Arthur frantically searched through the camera feeds in an attempt to get a better angle, but now that they were through the entryway, he couldn’t get a look at their faces.  The best he could do was make out two general figures, their faces covered by black masks.  Why hadn’t he got his laptop fixed? Then he’d at least know what was going on!

_Give them everything, Merlin.  Anything they want they can have. I own nothing that is worth your lives._

“Hello, emergency service operator, which service do you require: fire, police, or ambulance?”  The voice on the other end was far, _far_ too calm for the situation.

“Police!  Get me the fucking police right now!”

“I’ll connect you now.”

A different voice came on.  “Caller, you’ve reached the police.”

“There are people at my house threatening my family!”

“Sir, please calm down.  Can you tell me your name?”

The masked men were backing Merlin further into the house.  “Please don’t shoot,” Arthur begged the screen quietly.  “Oh God, please don’t shoot.”

“Sir, can you please tell us where you’re calling from? Are the intruders currently in the home?”

“I’m not there.”  That gutted Arthur more than anything.  He should be there.  He should be there to protect his family.  “I have a video.  Live.  I can see them in the foyer.”

“Are there weapons present?”

“Yes, there are fucking weapons present!”  He forced himself to calm down, though he wasn’t sure how well he managed it.  He didn’t dare take his eyes off the screen as Merlin held up his hands in a placating gesture, the terror in his eyes clear even with the bad quality of the feed.  Alex was right behind Merlin, clinging to his shirt hem.  “Please, my son and my- my- Merlin are in there.”

 

Merlin shoved Alex backwards and yelled something.  Arthur guessed it was an order to run, because Alex took off, vanishing into the den.   Merlin barred the doorway to the den, arms splayed to prevent the armed men from giving chase.  But Merlin was a spindly man to begin with, and even the strongest man was no match for a bullet.

“What is your home address, sir?”

Arthur rattled off as much information as he could, barely even hearing himself.  The men continued to converge on Merlin.  One grabbed him, clearly meaning to toss him aside, but Merlin refused to budge.

“Don’t be a hero, you idiot,” Arthur begged, as if Merlin could hear him, or would listen if he did.  On the line, the emergency services were trying to get his attention again, but he ignored them.  “Just give them what they ask for.”

But any hope of that was lost as Merlin made to reach for the gun and a second later doubled over, nearly dropping to the ground.  His hands flew to his stomach and came away red as dark blood blossomed over his shirt.

“Merlin?   _Merlin!_ ”  He nearly lost his grip on the laptop as Elyan whipped the car around a corner, spurred on by his growing awareness of the situation.  The phone dropped unnoticed from his hand.  They’d shot him.  They’d really shot him.

But Merlin wasn’t done fighting yet.  He stood his ground in the doorway, one shaking hand stretched out as if he could still have any hope of holding even a toddler back.  Arthur’s breath caught in his throat as the gun rose again, but this time instead of wasting a bullet the butt of the weapon was brought down on Merlin’s head.  He crumpled to the ground.  “Get up.  Get up, Merlin, _please_!”

One of the intruders stepped over Merlin’s motionless body into the den, returning with a struggling Alex over his shoulder.  Arthur took the smallest hope only from the fact that the movement meant his son was still alive before the realization hit him and his racing heart stopped.  These men weren’t here to raid his safe or steal his collection of priceless antique swords.  They wanted his son, the one thing he was not willing to part with.

Arthur understood now why Merlin had fought so hard to keep them from passing him.  Although he hadn’t succeeded, Arthur knew he would be grateful to the man for the rest of his life.

The two intruders stood and clearly argued for a moment, pointing at Merlin on the floor.  Arthur watched with bated breath as they debated, praying their indecision would last long enough for the authorities to arrive and stop them from escaping.  Then the one who wasn’t fighting with a frantically squirming eight-year-old holstered his gun and slung Merlin over his shoulder.  Merlin didn’t so much as twitch at the rough movement.  The kidnappers then ran from the house.

Arthur would have followed them with a view of the front lawn, but he was too busy staring at the spray of blood across his entry walls and the puddle on the floor that looked to be the size of an ocean.

 

\--------------------

 

Arthur sat shaking on his sofa, Morgana wrapped around him, her tears soaking into his shoulder.  The police had been questioning them for minutes or hours or days, trying to squeeze out every drop of information they could.  Arthur had been next to useless for all of it.  He couldn’t think.  He could barely breathe.

His son was gone.  He was never going to see him again.  And Merlin was…

This couldn’t be happening.  The security on his house was better than most banks.  Sometimes even Arthur himself had difficulty getting past the complex codes at the front gate.

“Have you fought with anyone at your business lately?  Any clients who might think they got a raw deal?”

“Arthur?”  Morgana gave him a gentle squeeze.  Elyan had called her immediately upon their arrival at the house.  Arthur was grateful he’d had the foresight to do so.  There was no way he could have been coherent enough to explain the situation to her.  And that was assuming he could calm his shaking hands enough to dial her number.  “Come on, you can do this.”

“I don’t know.  Maybe?  I can’t think of anyone.  You’d have to ask my father.”

“Right, how about other people in your lives?” the detective pushed.  “The child’s mother for instance.  You’re divorced?”

“We never married.”

“Do we know where she is now?  Does she stay in contact?”

“Sophia wouldn’t do this,” Arthur snapped.  He might have hated his ex, but he at least knew that.  This kind of violence wasn’t her style.  “If she wanted Alexander so badly she would bother to remember he exists more than twice a year.  She’s in Sweden right now, if you must know.”   _I should call her_.  Sophia would want to know, if only to hold it against him.

The detective didn’t seem fazed by his outburst.  “And the one who was taken with the boy, Merlin Emrys?  What’s his relationship here?”

A vision of the blood on the floor and Merlin’s unmoving body ripped through him again and he couldn’t answer.  Morgana took over, squeezing his hand in comfort.  “Merlin is Alex’s au pair.  He lives in the house and cares for him while Arthur works.”

“So he has complete access to your home?”

Arthur froze, and he felt Morgana stiffen next to him.

“Mr Pendragon, have you had any disagreements lately with your nanny?”

Arthur jolted to his feet and stormed out of the room.  In the distance he heard Morgana screeching a defence, but he found himself unable to form words.  How dare they?   _How dare they?_  Merlin was _dying_ , could already be _dead_ , and they _dared_ to imply he might have had a part in this?  Merlin didn’t have a vindictive bone in his body.  He wasn’t even capable of _considering_ a plot like this.

God, he was never going be able to go in his front entry again.  Morgana promised it wasn’t as bad as it had first seemed to him over the camera feed, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to confirm it.  Any amount of blood was too much.  Merlin should never be bleeding from so much as a paper cut.

“Mr Pendragon?”  The detective had followed him, escaping from Morgana’s tirade.  “I apologize for offending you, but you must understand we have to consider every possibility.”

“ _Merlin_ is _not_ a possibility.”

“I can see you must have grown close, as he was your employee and living in your home.  But this isn’t the first time we’ve seen a nanny take advantage of their employers, and you understand as investigators we have to keep an open-”

“No,” he hissed, rounding on the detective.  “ _You_ have to understand that Merlin allowed himself to be shot rather than let those monsters take my son.  If I hear one more word that you’re considering him as a suspect, I will have you _fired_ , not just from this case, but from the force itself.  I will have you _blacklisted_.  Do you understand?”

“…Of course, Mr Pendragon.”  The man nodded stiffly and returned to the living room.

Arthur took a few deeps breaths to try to calm himself.  He had to get a hold of his emotions, for the good of his son.  He couldn’t help Alexander if he was panicking and yelling at everyone.  He wasn’t sure how he could help further anyway, but he had to try.

But then, maybe there was something he could do.

Arthur pulled out his mobile.  He’d been warned not to make any phone calls until they received their first contact, but this was his personal line.  Only three people on the planet had this number, and there was no way they would give it away.  If they were going to get a call, it would come on his work phone or even the landline.

Arthur quickly punched in the familiar number.  The line rang, and rang, and… “Come on.   _Pick up!_ ”

“Arthur, this had better be important.”

Arthur was reasonably certain he had never been so happy to hear his father’s disapproving voice.  He got right to the point.  “Believe me it is.  Alexander’s been kidnapped.  I have video.  They took him right out of the house.”

“When did this happen?  Who’s in charge of the case?  Wasn’t that boy supposed to be watching him?”

Arthur gave him what information he could, trying not to bristle over the slight to Merlin.

Uther hummed thoughtfully.  “I’ll send Leon over immediately.  I don’t trust these public servants.  All you need is one to hold a grudge against the family, and the entire investigation will be held up.”

“There’s a child involved; I don’t think-”

“Believe me, son, it’s not a chance you want to take.  Men who would take a child as leverage for their own selfish gains cannot be trusted to be above seeking an in with the local law enforcement.”  Arthur hated to be so cynical, but he trusted his father’s judgement.  Uther loved his grandson more than he loved his own children; he wouldn’t steer Arthur wrong when it came to his welfare.  “Now, what are they asking?”

“We don’t know.  We haven’t gotten any demands yet.”

“It’ll be millions.  They didn’t target my grandchild not knowing what we could pay for his return.  The bank won’t want to release that much at one time.  We’ll have to subvert the system.  I’ll make some calls.  If we use both your accounts and my own that will hopefully be enough to cover their scruples.  I warn you, these heathens will likely demand an exorbitant amount.  Be prepared.”

Arthur didn’t care how much it turned out to be.  There was no limit to the funds he was willing to surrender to get his son back.

“Thank you for your help, Father.”

“Call me as soon as you know anything.”

For the first time in his life Arthur hung up with his father feeling better than when he started.  Not perfect, certainly not, but better.  He retreated to the kitchen to make tea, hoping it might take the rest of the edge off.  He doubted anything could do that until Merlin and Alexander were back where they belonged, but at least it couldn’t hurt.

He poured one cup for himself and one for his sister.  The police could find their own beverages for all he cared.  Morgana accepted the mug gratefully.  “What do you think they want, Arthur?”

He sat down next to her and rested his head on her shoulder.  He sighed.  “Money, probably.  Father says he’ll withdraw from both our accounts so the banks won’t protest such a large sum being taken out all at once.”

“Tell him he can take from mine, too.  I’ll text him the account details.”

Arthur smiled tiredly.  “Thank you, Gana.  For everything.”

“Whatever it takes.  Alex is my family too.  And Merlin is my friend.”

“I know.  Don’t think he’s going to thank you now for being his friend and getting him this job.  Nor me for not firing him that first day.”

“Arthur!” Morgana shook his head off, forcing him to meet her eyes.  “You can’t possibly think Merlin is going to blame you for all of this!”

“Not really,” he admitted with a sigh.  “But that doesn’t mean _I_ don’t blame me.”

Morgana threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight.  “I’m not going to bother trying to convince you otherwise, because I know deep down you don’t actually believe that.  But just know that if you did, that makes you the only person in the world who thinks such a thing and you always will be.”

Arthur huffed a quiet laugh.  “Have I told you lately you’re my favourite sister?”

“I don’t believe you’ve ever told me that, actually.  Hold on one moment while I go get one of those dictaphones so we can make a record of this.”

He gave her a gentle shove, and Morgana just smiled back.

Then Arthur paused.  Friend.  Merlin had more friends than just him and Morgana.  One very useful friend in particular.  “I’ll be right back,” he muttered, then fled up the stairs.

Merlin’s door was open and blocked off by crime scene tape, the police having ransacked it earlier for clues.  Not that they had found any.  Merlin didn’t have enemies.  There were probably hardened criminals on death row who sent the man Christmas cards.  He just didn’t have it in him to make people not like him.

Arthur wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking for.  A mobile would have been his first pick, but Merlin had had his phone on him when he was taken.  Arthur had called it in hopes the kidnappers would pick it up, but it went straight to voicemail.  He doubted Merlin kept an address book, because he wasn’t that much of a girl, but perhaps he had something, a scrap of paper, a business card, just something with a name and number.

It was difficult to find anything in the mess of a room, but finally Arthur discovered Merlin’s wallet under the bed.  He dug through it, automatically rolling his eyes as he leafed through a dozen membership and gift cards for various shops.  There were a few pounds crumpled up in one side, and the crayon driver’s license Alexander had made for him when Merlin admitted he didn’t have one.  An emergency ID card caught Arthur’s attention.

_Emergency Contact: Arthur Pendragon_

_Relationship: Friend and Employer_

Arthur.  Not Gwaine, whom Merlin –most of the time –had lived with.   _Arthur_ , who had done his absolute best to get Merlin to hate him and then inadvertently succeeded by breaking his heart. Then getting him shot and kidnapped.  Personally Arthur wasn’t sure which was going to put a bigger hole in their relationship, but he was surprised that even before all of that Merlin had wanted him to be the one to know first if something happened to him.

And unfortunately, touched as he was by yet another measure of Merlin’s feelings for him –including calling him _friend_ before employer –it didn’t help him with his current problem.

Arthur took another vague look around the room, but he had no more ideas where he could possibly find what he needed.  Then it hit him: Merlin’s contract.  He hurried towards his office.  There, at the top of the paper, was his previous emergency contact.  Arthur punched the number into his phone.

“This is Gwaine Greene, I could tell you who’s calling, but that would take all the fun out of having a conversation, so how about you take that one yourself.”

Arthur rolled his eyes.  “Get that a lot?”

Gwaine laughed.  “Far, far too often.  So really, who are you and how can I help you?”

“This is Arthur Pendragon.  Merlin’s- Merlin’s friend.”  If Merlin could do it, so could he.

“Oh yeah, the rich arse.  What’s up?  Merlin finally ready to quit and come home?  I’ve got a date tonight, but if he needs to mope I’ve got the next couple hours free.”

“Merlin and Alexander have been kidnapped,” he answered flatly.

Arthur had to hand it to him, Gwaine immediately snapped to attention.  “How long ago?  Do you have any suspects?  Who’s in charge of the case?”  Arthur told him what he knew, and he could hear the man mumbling to himself as he wrote the info down.  He believed in psychics about as much as he did purple polar bears, but this was a time for desperate measures.  “I’ll be there as soon as I can.  Is that gate of yours open?  We don’t have time for me to short out the lock.”

“Yes, it’s open,” he bit out.  He’d wondered if Merlin had given the code to Gwaine before, but since he felt bad about forcing him to walk the length of the driveway he’d let it slide.  Once this was over and his family was back safe and sound, he was going to have a word with Leon about getting a new tamper-proof lock.

True to his word, Gwaine barrelled into the house twenty minutes later.  Leon had arrived by that point and wrested control from the idiot detective who had accused Merlin.  Gwaine didn’t waste any time grilling Arthur, going immediately to Leon and announcing himself at his disposal.  To his credit, Leon didn’t even flinch, simply getting a feel for what Gwaine could bring to the table then assigning him a task.

Before he started it, however, Gwaine decided that now was the best time for their first meeting.

“So you’re Pendragon?”

“And you’re Gwaine.”

Arthur waited for Gwaine to yell at him, to tell him how Merlin never would have been in this situation if not for Arthur.  He was sure Merlin had told Gwaine everything that had happened between them.  Although Merlin had mentioned before about how he didn’t want Gwaine to harp at him about Arthur being an arse.  Arthur was pretty sure he would now qualify as the once and future _king_ of arses now.

“I was beginning to wonder what it was going to take for us to actually be face to face.  I was pretty sure Merlin wasn’t going to let it happen until you two were standing at the alter.”

Arthur gaped.  “Alt- What are you- I mean-”

Gwaine burst out laughing, causing the men and women around them to glance at them askance.  “Mate, you have no idea how transparent either of you are, do you?  I could tell when Merlin came home that first day of work I’d better start picking out the china.  And looking at your face just now when I got here?  I know you lost your kid too, but geez.”  He sobered.  “We’ll find them and bring them back, mate, I promise.  Merlin is my best friend, I’m not about to lose him.”

Everyone kept saying that.  Arthur wanted to believe it, that their promises were more than just empty words, but he was having a hard time when it had been hours -or had it been?  He wasn’t sure anymore- and still they knew nothing.

The police had set up their equipment waiting for the call.  Morgana went around and turned up the volume on every phone in the house, including both of their mobiles.  They had been assured that so long as Arthur could keep them on the line long enough, the call could be traced to its origin, and that would lead them to Alexander.

Morgana was the first one to hear the ring.  “Listen.  Shut up and _listen!_ ”

It was a mobile, they could tell from the ringtone.  But it wasn’t one of theirs, and Leon had ordered all phones belonging to his men and the few cops who had stuck around.  The cheerful tune was faint and slightly muffled, as if buried at the bottom of someone’s purse.

“Everyone spread out and find that phone,” Leon ordered.

Arthur’s body was frozen in place as he watched the group of security officers systematically search his house.  A woman’s shout came from the foyer “Here!  Looks like one of those prepaid things.”

“They must have left it here for you to find.  Chances are we won’t be able to track it, but at least they want to communicate.  Go ahead and answer it, Arthur.”

Arthur lunged for the mobile, nearly ripping it out of the officer’s hand.  He plastered it to his ear like he might be able to squeeze his body through it to where his son was.  “Hello?”

_“Mr Pendragon.  I’ve been looking forward to this little chat.”_

“Where is my son?  What have you done to him?”

_“Your boy is fine.  He’ll be even better if you’re willing to deliver eight million pounds in exchange for his return.”_

“I want to talk to them,” Arthur demanded, his voice much firmer than his skipping heart.

_“And I want you to deliver my money.  We both want things we can’t have just yet.”_

“I’m not giving you anything until I hear their voices.”

 _“Fine,”_ the man on the other end growled.  The voice became slightly dimmer, but Arthur could still clearly hear, _“Speak to Daddy, boy.  But you best watch what you say…”_

_“Daddy?”_

Arthur felt himself collapse as he heard his son’s voice.   Next to him Morgana covered her mouth to stifle a sob.  “Hey, little duck,” he breathed out.  “Are you okay?  Did they hurt you?”

 _“Merlin won’t wake up, Daddy!_ ” Alex sniffled, his voice trembling as he clearly fought to hold back his desire to cry.   _“I shook him just like I did for you, but he won’t wake up!  What do I do?”_

“Alexander?  Alex, love, I need you to stay calm, okay?”   _Even if Daddy can’t be_.  “Merlin is going to be fine.  He just needs some rest now.  You remember when Daddy was sleeping and you talked to me to help me until Merlin got there?  You need to do that for Merlin now.  Just keep talking to him and keep him company.”

_“He’s bleeding from his belly.”_

“I know he is, duck.”  Oh God, did he know. “You’re going to have to take care of Merlin for a while until Daddy gets there.  But you understand that, don’t you?  Daddy _is_ coming.”

_“Okay, Daddy.”_

“Now tell me, are _you_ hurt _?_ ”

 _“…No.”_  Arthur didn’t like the length of the pause before he answered.  He could hear the slight echo that indicated he was on speakerphone, and fear swamped him imagining what methods the kidnappers might be using to keep Alexander from telling him anything Arthur could use to find him.  What if Alex was just as injured as Merlin? _“I want to come home!”_

“I’m coming, Alex,” Arthur repeated, never meaning anything in his life so much as he did that.  “I promise, I am not going to leave you there.”

 _“Well, isn’t that sweet?”_  The gruff voice came back on the line.   _“There, you heard your precious boy.  Happy now?_ ”

“I want to talk to Merlin.”  Please, he had to know Merlin was okay.

_“You heard the kid.  He’s taking a little nap.  Don’t worry.  We’ll get him a nice little teddy bear, perhaps a nice little bed below ground where no one will wake him up.”_

“You-”

 _“Get me my money, Pendragon.”_ Then the line went dead.

Arthur automatically looked at the technicians, but they were shaking their heads sadly.  His heart dropped.  Thanks to the burner phone, they hadn’t been able to trace the call.  They still didn’t know where Merlin and his son were.

“We’re not giving up, Mr Pendragon.  We’re going to do everything we can.”

But Arthur wasn’t sure that would be enough.

 

\--------------------

 

“-Merlin?  Are you waking up?  Please wake up, Merlin.”

Honestly, Merlin would rather not be waking up, thanks anyway.  His head pounded fiercely, and there was some kind of pulsed stabbing in his side.  He shifted a hand to clutch instinctively at the pain, and immediately registered wetness.  Oh.  Right.  That.

Merlin let out another groan as he dragged his eyes open.  Alex hovered over him, tear stained face gazing worriedly down at him.  “You okay?”  That was a stupid question.  They’d just been kidnapped.  Of course he wasn’t okay.

The boy nodded, though his face was still furrowed in anxiety.  “Daddy said you were sleeping.  Please tell me you won’t go back to sleep again, Merlin.”

Merlin felt his awareness snap back.  The pounding in his head increased at the same rate, and he winced at the amplified pain.  “Arthur’s here?  Alex, where is he?”  How had they gotten Arthur?  Had the prat tried to save them and gotten himself taken as well?

“He was on the phone.  The bad man let me talk to him.”  Merlin breathed a sigh of relief.  Much as he would love another adult mind to help him out right now, he was glad Arthur was safe.  At the same time, he couldn’t help but be disappointed he hadn’t had a chance to speak to him.

“Are you okay, Merlin?  Do you need to go to the hospital like daddy did?  Do you need me to stitch you up?”

Merlin dared to take a look down at his abdomen.  A coarse bandage had been wrapped tightly around him, but not tight enough to entirely stop the bleeding.  Red seeped through to soak a large splotch on the front.  His shirt hadn’t been removed before the bandage was applied, so he had no idea if the wound had been cleaned at all.  Unfortunately he doubted it.  He also doubted that, like Alex had suggested, the bullet hole had been stitched close.

He forced a reassuring smile, though it came out more as a grimace.  “I’m fine, love.  I might have to go see a doctor when we get out of here, but I’ll be okay ‘til then.”  Normally Merlin didn’t approve of lying to children, but he couldn’t afford to have a hysterical eight-year-old on his hands.  They both needed to have their wits about them if they were going to escape, and half of Merlin’s wits had been knocked out of him by the butt of that gun.

“Have you looked around the basement at all while I was sleeping?”

Alex shook his head.  “They told me to stay with you.  So did Daddy.”

“Okay.  You can come with me then and we’ll see if we can’t find anything to escape with.”

Of course this plan was easier said than done.  First Merlin had to figure out how to stand up without screaming.  He guessed that was why they hadn’t bothered to tie them up.  It wasn’t like Merlin could run away in his current state, and Alex wasn’t going to leave Merlin’s side.

Merlin grabbed onto a nearby pipe on the wall and heaved.  He nearly fainted as the strain caused a searing pain in his side.  He slumped back to the ground.  “Okay, new plan.  I need you to go by yourself and see if you can find me something heavy I can use to hit people with, like a board or a bat.  Maybe a bit of pipe if you see some.”

“But, Merlin–”

“Please, Alex.  I’m right here.  You’ll be able to see me the whole time.  This place isn’t so big you’ll get lost.  If someone comes down, just come back to me, okay?”

He nodded reluctantly.  “Okay, Merlin.”

Merlin watched as Alex moved around the basement, occasionally stopping and holding up something for him to inspect.  While he searched, Merlin tried again to stand.  It wouldn’t matter what he attacked their kidnappers with if he couldn’t move to escape afterwards.  He bit his lip until it bled to keep back the screams as he dragged himself to his feet.  Waves of dizziness overcame him and his vision went white for a few harrowing moments.  Instead of passing out, he turned to the side and vomited as the nausea grew too great to ignore.

Try as he might, the best Alex could come up with was a short piece of forgotten plastic piping.  It would have to do.  The sounds of a knob turning caught their attention and Alexander scurried back over, handing Merlin the pipe and hiding behind him.  Two men descended the stair, one a bit taller and older than the other, but both hard and sneering.  The taller man held the gun that had caused Merlin’s wound.  Merlin brought the pipe up in front of him like a sword, panting a bit at the effort of keeping himself upright.

“Oh, now isn’t this precious,” the shorter man smirked.  “I give you points for entertainment.  I’m half tempted to let you try to take a swing with your little fairy wand there.”  He wrenched the pipe away from Merlin with little effort.  “But I’m afraid I’ll just have to live with the disappointment.”

Before Merlin could blink, the pipe was swinging towards his stomach.  He screamed as the impact sent tidal waves of pain through his body, and he fell backwards, smashing his face on the metal pipe by the wall.  Alex was screaming too, sobbing and shouting Merlin’s name over and over again.  Merlin wasn’t really aware of any of it for a few long moments, though, lost in a haze of pain, clinging to conscious despite every ounce of his body demanding he let go.  Dimly he felt something cold wrap around his wrist and heard a faint click.

“This is your punishment for getting ideas, boy.  Let’s not catch you trying it again.”

When Merlin finally was able to semi-focus again, the men were talking amongst themselves and pulling out a camera.  Alex clung to Merlin, shaking with fear and sobbing into his chest.

“’Sokay,” he mumbled automatically.  “’mokay.”

There was a rustle as something was thrown at them.  “Hold that, kid.  We’re going to take a nice little picture for Daddy.”  Merlin felt himself being hauled into a sitting position in the corner.  Alex wrapped himself in Merlin’s arms, as if he could form a shield to protect the grown up.  “There, a beautiful family portrait.  Smile and say cheese.”

The flash was just one more spot of white in his vision.

The men left after that, snapping off the basement light and plunging them into darkness.  Only the pain and the fact that Merlin could still feel Alex trembling in his arms let Merlin know he was still conscious.

“Daddy’s coming, ” Alex whispered, voice thick with tears.  “He promised; he’s coming to find us.”

Merlin wanted to believe that.  He really did.

“Then we have nothing to worry about, do we?”

 

\--------------------

 

Laying on his son’s achingly empty bed, Arthur didn’t sleep a wink that night.  There was no way he possibly could have, not with the images of Alexander and Merlin in ever worsening states of peril drifting through his mind.

This was his fault.  No matter what he said to Morgana, it had to be.  People didn’t just take a man’s child without reason.  There were plenty of other rich people in and around London.  Why had these men targeted _him_ if not for something Arthur had done against them?

When he wasn’t imagining the horrors being inflicted on his love ones, he was racking his brain, trying to remember something, _anything_ that had happened that might have led to this.  Had one of his employees been wrongfully terminated?  Had a client been let down by their security?  Every time he thought he’d eliminated everyone Arthur would start over again.  Because he had to be missing something.  There had to be a motive.

From the bags under her eyes when Arthur joined Morgana in the kitchen the next morning, she’d had no better a night than he had.  She wordlessly handed him a cup of coffee.  Arthur had insisted she spend the night at his place, terrified she would become the next victim.  He couldn’t afford to have her taken too.  He needed Morgana, both as his sister and as his greatest support.

“Leon will be here soon,” she said.

“I know.”

More silence.  Neither of them knew what to say.  There wasn’t anything that hadn’t already been said anyway.

“Alex will be okay. Merlin… Merlin will take care of him.”

“I know.”

Merlin would always do his best to take care of Arthur’s son.  Even… even if he was the one who needed the most care at the moment.

The doorbell rang and Arthur was glad for the distraction.  It was probably Leon, or maybe one of his men.  When he opened the door, however, it was to a young boy, perhaps in his early teens.

“Ehm, are you Mr Pendragon?”

“Yes?”

“I was asked to deliver this to you.”  He held out a large beige envelope.  “It’s not drugs or anything, is it?  ‘Cause he gave me an awful lot of money not to look inside it, and he said I had to take it to you right away.”

“He who?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged.  “This guy I met at the corner.  I mean, it seemed kinda sketchy, but he gave me five hundred pounds just to hand it over to you, so it’s not like I was going to say no.”  He took off across the yard.

Arthur’s heart pounded as ripped open the envelope.  It stopped as he caught a glimpse of what was inside.

‘Mo-Morgana! Morgana, come here now!”

She ran out of the kitchen to meet him.  “What is it?”

“Look.”

The photo was simple, but it made its point clearly.  Merlin and Alexander sat surrounded by concrete walls, no windows or other identifiers to make out where exactly they were being held.  Alex looked unharmed, leaning back against Merlin and holding up a copy of the current day’s newspaper in an obviously trembling hand.

Merlin was definitely the worse for wear.  His bullet wound had been bandaged, but the red stain showed it had still bled heavily after the fact and might be bleeding even now.  Across his cheek was a dark purple bruise, and his eyes looked vague and out of focus.  One hand had been cuffed to the nearby pipework.

But he was _alive._  Arthur clung to that knowledge like it was his own lifeline.  Merlin and his son were alive and perhaps not well, but they weren’t _dead_ , and right then that was enough.

“Is there anything else with the photo?”

Arthur scooped up the forgotten envelope and dug through it.  “A letter.   _Dear Mr Pendragon.  Consider this your proof of life for the day.  Bring my money to Nemeth Park tonight at nine, or this will be the last time you see either of them in such a state.”_

“Nine o’clock tonight?  Is that enough time for Uther to get the money?”

“It’s going to have to be.”  Arthur put the letter in his pocket to show Leon when he arrived, then went to sit on the couch and stare at the photo.  He didn’t have any photos of Merlin.  How could he not?  With the way Merlin had ingratiated himself into the family, one would think he’d be hanging on every surface just like Morgana.

Leon and the police arrived at the same time, setting up their equipment and stealing Arthur’s coffee.  Arthur handed over the ransom letter and photo, and Leon analysed them both critically before responding.

“This was taken at night.  That light’s artificial, not natural.  To have today’s paper we can guess they took this sometime after midnight.  I’ll send someone around to ask all of the distributors who put out a late night copy.  Maybe someone saw something, or can give us a name of a regular who came at an unusual time.”  He hailed one of his employees and took them off to the side to give them their orders.

“Mr Pendragon?” The detective from yesterday came forward, shuffling his feet anxiously. He looked Arthur firmly in the eye when he spoke, however.  “I recognize that you aren’t going to like what I have to say, and I can respect that you have a personal attachment in the matter, but even if you choose to make good on your threats, I have a responsibility to make this known to you.”

“Spit it out, man,” Arthur snapped.  He had no time for such prevaricating.

“We did a bit of background research on Mr Emrys.  Just standard,” he defended quickly.  “He’s one of the victims as well, as you made clear yesterday.  It’s possible that whoever did this had a grudge against him, and your son was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Arthur still considered that idea utterly ridiculous, but at the back of his rational mind he had to admit they _were_ just doing their job.  It didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

“I don’t know how closely you looked into Mr Emrys’s history, but we found something you may like to know.  His last employer, well… He was fired and charged with abuse of a child.”

Arthur gaped.   _Merlin_?  They were trying to get him to believe _Merlin_ had hurt a child?  “That’s preposterous!  Merlin would sooner hurt _himself_!”

“I’m just telling you what we found in the report,” the detective answered.  “According to the mother, Mr Emrys was found in the bed of his charge.  He claimed the child had a nightmare and he’d fallen asleep comforting him, but the boy in question refused to back him up, and he was arrested.  The charges were eventually dropped, but it seemed to be more the family moving to America and not wanting to drag out the case than Mr Emrys’s story being proven true.”

 _“A simple misunderstanding.”_ That was what Morgana had said when Arthur asked why Merlin was on his fifth job.  She’d said one of them had been about a _misunderstanding_.  They were going to have to talk about her vocabulary later, because this was far more than that.  This could have ruined Merlin’s life.  Arthur didn’t believe for a second Merlin would ever abuse a child, let alone his, but that he had once been accused was a hell of a thing to leave out.

Arthur remember then the night he had found Merlin asleep on the couch, the panic on his face at the realization he was clutching Alex’s bear.  He must have been terrified it was going to happen again.  Arthur wondered at his dedication to his career.  He wasn’t sure he would have been willing to risk it all again.

“Thank you for this… _information_.”  Arthur dismissed the detective and went immediately to Morgana.  “Why didn’t you tell me Merlin was part of an abuse scandal?”

She sighed in exhaustion.  “Because it didn’t matter?  Merlin was falsely accused, and you know it.  Plus he needed the job.  No one was going to hire him again with that on his record.  You wouldn’t have either.”

“No, I probably wouldn’t have,” he admitted regretfully.  “But… you still should have told me.”

“Are you going to fire him?”

“Of course not!”  Arthur was offended she even had to ask.  “If anything I’m going to figure out how to get the charge expunged from his record so he can get on with his life.”

Morgana smiled softly and put a hand on his arm.  “You’re a good man, Arthur Pendragon.”

His face heated and tilted his gaze towards the ground.  “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

Leon called them over.  “My men are canvassing all the local shops that put out the morning edition at midnight.  We analyzed the video feed you gave us, and it appears we’re looking for two males, age unknown.  But Arthur, Gwaine gave me an idea, and I checked the logs to confirm.  Your gate wasn’t broken into.  The code was entered and it was opened without force.  Who has access to the sequence?”

“Me and Morgana,” he answered immediately.  Arthur guarded that secret with his life.  Leon didn’t even have it.  “Uther had the last one, but he hasn’t been by lately so I haven’t needed to give it to him.  The only other person is Merlin.”

“Because he’s your nanny?”

“Well, yes.”  Arthur scowled at the implication Merlin was to blame, _again_.  “He has to be able to get in in the morning.  I don’t have time to be going down there and opening it for him every day.”

“What about Sefa?  Have you changed the codes since she worked here?”

“Of course I–” Arthur cut himself off.  He’d meant to.  He’d even come up with the new one one day while he was at work.  But he hadn’t gotten around to programming it in yet.  “No.  She still has it.”

“Someone track down Sefa Bane, now,” Leon ordered.  “Well, Arthur, I think we just found your ex-employee with a grudge.”

“She was stealing!” Arthur protested.  “She can’t have possibly thought I’d let that go.”

“Whatever her reasons, she’s a lead, Arthur, and one of the few solid ones we have.  Let’s take what we can get.”

 

\--------------------

 

Merlin and Alexander were awoken the next morning by someone descending the steps.

“Good morning, sweetheart.  I brought you breakfast.”

Merlin stared as Sefa held out a bowl of children’s cereal to Alex.  “You!”

“Hello, Merlin,” she sneered.  “How’s life as my replacement treating you?  Enjoying the perks?”

“What are you doing here, Sefa?”

“Well, I am trying to feed my favourite little man breakfast.  Here, Alex.  It’s got no milk, just how you like it.”

Alex cowered back against Merlin, refusing to touch the bowl.

“I didn’t poison it,” she snapped, then tempered her voice back to soothing. “You need to eat, sweetie.  It’s been a long time since your last meal.  I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night, or I would have made sure they gave you something.  I did ask my father to ensure you had food, but he seems to have forgotten.”

Merlin rolled his eyes.  “Oh, yes, it just slipped his mind that even prisoners need to eat.”

“ _Some_ of them do, anyway.”  She pouted when Alex continued to flinch away from her.  “Fine, I’ll just leave this here then.  You can eat when you’re hungry, hmm?”  Sefa set the bowl down and paused, as if she expected the second she broke contact with the bowl Alexander would fall on it in gratitude.  If so, she continued to be disappointed.  Finally she sighed and stood back up.  “I’ll be down later with some more.  Don’t worry, darling, this will all be over soon.”

Merlin waited until she was gone before he picked up the bowl himself and handed it to the little boy.  “She’s right though.  You do need to eat something.”

“I don’t want to,” he mumbled, shoving it away.  “Not from _her_.”

“She’s trying to take care of you.  That’s nice of her, right?”  Merlin had never shoveled a bigger pile of shite than at that moment, but he was desperate.  Alex was just a child, he couldn’t go long without food.  If they offended Sefa too much, who knew when the next meal would come.

Alex crossed his arms petulantly, but his eyes gave away that he was beginning to relent.  “I’ll eat it if you do.”

“Deal.”

Merlin made sure Alex had three bites of the dry cereal for every one of his.  It wasn’t much, but at least the boy had food in his stomach.  It wasn’t like Merlin was that interested in eating himself right now.  He was horribly nauseous from the blood loss and concussion and who knew what else.  He probably should have cared about getting his strength back, but at the moment he was feeling too despondent and angry about the situation to bother.

Loud hiccoughs drew his attention back to the boy at his side.  Tears were filling Alex’s eyes as he stared at the empty bowl.

“Sefa will bring you more for lunch, I’m sure,” Merlin tried to assure him, though he wasn’t sure he believed it.  “Maybe her chicken noodle soup you like so much!”

It didn’t help.  Alex let out a wail and threw himself into Merlin’s chest, jarring Merlin’s abdomen so that he had to bite back a yelp of pain and a wash of white dizziness.  He held Alex while he sobbed, shushing him absently while he fought to work his brain again.

“’m sorry, Merlin,” he sniffled.  “I know big boys don’t cry.”

“Hey there,” Merlin protested gently.  “Big boys cry all the time.  Crying’s the brave thing to do, you know.”

“But Daddy says–”

“Daddy is a turniphead,” Merlin snorted.   _A giant one_.  He didn’t understand Arthur, and he feared he never would.  There was something there between them, Merlin just knew it.  He saw the way Arthur looked at him when he thought Merlin wasn’t paying attention.  But he refused to admit it, probably because, as he seemed to have taught his son, he thought emotions were for the weak.  “If you were to start crying at school, what would happen?”

“The other kids would make fun of me,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, they probably would.  You know, kids made fun of me all the time when I was your age.”  And on through the time he started uni, but Alexander didn’t need to know that.

“They did?  But why?  You’re awesome.”

Merlin chuckled softly.  “They didn’t think so.  But you know what I did every time they laughed at me for something or called me names?”

“What?”

“I kept on doing the thing.  That’s what makes a person brave, Alex.  It’s easy to do stuff that everyone thinks is cool.  It’s a lot harder to do it when they’re all against you.”  Merlin kissed Alex on the top of his head.  “So go ahead and cry all you want you, my brave little man.”

Alex gave the tiniest of smiles.  “Do we have to get married now?”

“What do you mean?”

“You kissed me.  Auntie Morgana says people when kiss each other it means that you love them, and if you love them you have to get married, but Daddy says that’s not true.  Like when I saw him kissing–” he slapped his hands over his mouth.  “Oops,” he muttered between his fingers.  “That was supposed to be a secret.”

“Kissing who, Alex?”  Merlin found it incredible that in the situation they were in now there was something that could make him feel even worse.  Of course Arthur had someone else.  No wonder he didn’t want Merlin.  He already had a wonderful girlfriend tucked away some place.  The prat.  The least he could have done was said something before letting Merlin throw himself at him.

Alex buried his head in Merlin’s shoulder so he could only just make out the muffled words. “You?”

Merlin winced, and for once it wasn’t from pain.  Of course, Alex must have gotten up for a drink and seen them in the kitchen.  “That wasn’t… look, that wasn’t what you think.”

“I know,” he nodded glumly.  “Daddy says it’s complicated.  But Auntie Morgana says that’s just a word for saying you don’t know about something.”

“I think they’re both right,” Merlin sighed.

“I told Daddy it was okay if he wanted to marry you.  Then he could kiss you when you’re sick all the time.”

Merlin blinked.  When he was… “Alex, when did you see Arthur kiss me?”

“That time you were all sick and you slept at our house!  Daddy tucked you in and he gave you a kiss, just like he does for me.”

Oh.  Merlin didn’t know quite how to process that.  Arthur had kissed him.   _Before_ Merlin had told him how he felt.  And since then he and Alex had _talked_ about the kiss, and about… other things.  But why was Arthur pushing him away if he felt this way?

It didn’t make sense, not at all.  Merlin was starting to wonder if, between the physical traumas and Arthur, he would have any sanity left when he escaped at all.

 

\------------------

 

The nanny agency hadn’t heard from Sefa since they fired her, but they still had her address on file.  It was apparently a tiny flat on the edge of the city that she lived in with her father.  Leon frowned when Arthur insisted on coming along, and the idiot detective flatly refused to allow it, but Gwaine just patted his passenger seat.  “Hop in, princess.”

Sefa wasn't home because of course she wasn't.  Even she wasn't so stupid as to kidnap two people and then return to the first place anyone would look.  Arthur was sure it had to be her.  She was the only one who could have gotten past the lock on the gate.  Arthur was never going to stop beating himself up for that one.  He would change all the locks in the entire house the second this was all over.  In fact maybe it was time to move entirely.  Merlin had once expressed a desire to live in the country, and Arthur had long ago harboured a dream of being a farmer.  There was no time like the present to make both their wishes come true.

“You'd think babysitting the spawn of the rich and famous would pay more than this,” Gwaine pointed out as he peered in the refrigerator for reasons known only to him.

“Yes, because thieving kidnappers are known to be such good budget makers,” Arthur snapped back.

“Neither of those things really cost money, mate.” Gwaine picked an apple out of the vegetable crisper and took a bite.  “Besides, Merlin wasn’t a criminal of any sort and we weren't exactly living the good life either.”

Arthur bristled.  “I payed Merlin plenty.  If he wasn't happy with his wages he was welcome to speak up at any time.”

“We both know it wasn't the money that was keeping him around.”  Gwaine crossed over to the living room and flipped through a magazine on the coffee table.  “You could have charged _him_ to work for you and he still would have done it, plus tipped you for the pleasure.”

This wasn't the first time Gwaine had implied he knew about the feelings the two men had for each other, but it still didn't make Arthur feel any better than when Merlin had told him himself.  “He's leaving at the end of the summer.  Did he tell you that?”

Gwaine flapped a hand in dismissal.  “Sure, he whined about running away once or twice.  You and I both know he won't actually do it though, not now.”

“Yes, because being shot and kidnapped are the world's greatest year-end bonuses.”

“No, because once we find him you are going to man the fuck up and stop lying to him.”  Gwaine's tone remained as light as before but his gaze was dead serious.  “If this hasn't taught you the importance of telling people you love them instead of letting them walk away like the chicken shite you've been, then you don't deserve him.”

With that Gwaine scooped up some odd little figurine from the tv stand, stuck it in his pocket, and walked away.

Arthur didn’t know exactly how to respond to that, but he knew Gwaine wouldn’t like any answer he had to give anyway.  Arthur didn’t even like his answer.  Because no matter how he sliced it Merlin was worse off in Arthur’s presence.  Recent events had just confirmed that.  Any feelings Arthur might have didn’t matter.

“Uh, Arthur?  You need to get in here.”

The tone in Leon’s voice had Arthur nearly running to the back bedroom.  He stumbled to a halt the instant he caught sight of the display that had the entire search team frozen in horror.

The entire back wall was covered in photos.  Alex in the park, Alex at school, Alex in his bedroom.  Some of them looked almost innocent- Alex and Sefa huddled together in the kitchen beaming up at what was obviously a camera phone, or Alex proudly showing off his latest drawing.  Others were decidedly less so.  They had clearly been taken from a distance, and without the subject’s knowledge or attention.  Every single photo but one featured Alexander in some way, shape, or form, but it was something else that had Arthur shivering to his toes.

Several of the photos included Merlin.  They couldn’t have not what with Merlin being practically attached to Alex’s side for the past few months.  But in every photo Merlin was in, his face was crossed out with angry red markings.  In the center of the display was an image Arthur recognized immediately, though it’s existence was impossible.  There was him and Merlin in the kitchen that fateful night, right at the moment Merlin pressed up against him.  The angle and quality weren’t good enough for anyone who hadn’t been there to tell for certain, but Arthur knew it was taken just as Merlin had kissed him.

But it couldn’t be.  Sefa hadn’t been there that night.  And even if she and her camera had been right up against the window, the photo would have to be taken from about 90 degrees to the left.  For her to get this exact angle she would have to be right… right there in the house.

They were definitely, _definitely_ moving.

“What kind of sick psycho is this bint?”  Gwaine had stolen the words right from his mouth.

“How did she get in my house?  The alarm system would have told me if someone was trying to get in after dark, even if she did have the codes.”

“Arthur, I don’t think she was actually there.”  Leon reached for a different photo, one of Alex in his room with a thick dark line across one side.  “Does that look like a propeller to you?”

Arthur had to admit it did, and now that he was looking for it, he could see signs of propellers on other images as well.  Quickly he pulled out his phone, picking speed dial number one.

Morgana picked up on the first ring.  “Did you find them?”

“Not yet.  Morgana, the plane Sefa gave Alexander for his birthday.  Find it and look in the cockpit.”

“Why?  What’s going on?”  He could hear her running around the house in the background.  “Is it her?  Did she confess?”

Arthur fought to hold back a frustrated growl.  “We don’t know, Morgana, just find the damn plane!”

“I’m trying!” she snapped back, stress getting the better of her as well.  It only took her a few moments, but they were the longest seconds of Arthur’s life.  “Here it is!  Now what am I looking for, it’s just a child’s- what is _that_?”

“A camera, I’m guessing.  Give it to one of Leon’s men for evidence.”  Arthur ignored the offended huff of the detective at his side.  “Have them search the house for anything else that could be recording video or audio.  Thanks, Morg.”

He hung up without waiting for a reply.  “Is there anything here you can use to trace her?”

“You know we’ll do everything we can.”  Leon promised.  “All right, stop gawping men.  Let’s get to work.”

 

\------------------

 

“This is a bad idea, Arthur.  I don’t like it.”

“So you’ve said, Leon,” Arthur muttered as quietly as he could, fighting the instinctive urge to incline his head towards the mic hidden under his collar.  “If this goes wrong I’ll make sure Morgana doesn’t sue you.”

“If this goes wrong, Morgana’s going to _kill_ me.”

That was probably true.  Everyone in the house had been furious when Arthur announced that after a day of no leads even after tracking (or rather failing to track) Sefa, he was going to do as the kidnappers asked and go to the drop point.  No one could talk him out of it, though, so Leon had insisted on surrounding him with his men.  Arthur accepted the compromise but made them promise not to do anything that would endanger his son, even if it came to the entire exchange taking place and the bad guys getting away.

“I’m sure she’ll feel bad about it later.  Gwaine, are you in place?”

“Locked and loaded,” came Gwaine’s cheerful voice.  “It’s kinda nice to be hiding in a bush and not risking being called a perv for once.”

“ _Gwaine_.”

“I’m just saying.  A man can learn a lot about himself while in a shrubbery.  I think this is where Merlin was when he realized he was disappointed you can’t look up a bloke’s trousers.”

“Incoming,” hissed Leon.  “Same green van from the video tape.  Unit 2, I want you to surround the vehicle.  Stay back and out of sight until I give the signal, but I want someone to try to get a body count as soon as anyone gets out.”

Arthur shivered at the use of the term “body count.”  He knew Leon hadn’t meant it as if Merlin and Alex were already dead, but that didn’t stop the images from flooding his mind for the thousandth time.

“One white male exiting the vehicle and heading your way,” whispered Lance’s smooth voice.  “No other perps in the front seats.  Owain’s getting the infrareds for a better look.”

Arthur’s hand clenched around the handle of the heavy duffle bag as the shadow of a man walked towards him.  Leon had protested even harder when he said he was actually going to bring the money with him instead of attempting a bluff.  Arthur wasn’t going to take any risks with his son’s life.  If these people wanted eight million pounds, they could have it.  Besides, they weren’t going to get far if Leon’s men did their job.  They would arrest the kidnappers and fetch Alex and Merlin from the van and everything would be fine.

“You actually came,” the man said when he was close enough.  Arthur tensed.  He didn’t recognize it as the voice on the phone, which meant someone else was out there somewhere.  “I’m impressed.  I thought if you were going to show at all it would be one of your lackeys.”

“How’s Sefa?  We didn’t get much of a chance to talk at my son’s birthday.”  The man flinched.  “Alex loves his plane, by the way.  The on-board camera was a nice touch.  Very lifelike.  One would almost think it was real.”

“Took you long enough to find it, though, didn’t it?  Not keeping as close an eye on your little boy as you should?  Best be careful.  Something might happen to him.”

Arthur saw red.  “Breathe, Arthur.  You have to stay calm,” Leon warned through his earpiece.  “You can’t afford to drive him away by lashing out.”

“Hand over my money, Pendragon.”

Arthur swung the bag behind his back.  “You aren’t getting a single pound until I see my son.”

“And you aren’t getting him until I have the notes.  You see where we might have a little problem?  But one of us has an advantage here in that all I have to do is shoot you and I can waltz off with that bag there.”  From the pocket of his coat his drew out a small pistol.  It looked like the same one from the video, the one that had shot Merlin.  The man confirmed it a moment later.  “Your little babysitter can tell you, I’m not shy about using this.  But see, if you decide to turn against me, for instance if you don’t call off the cops that are no doubt surrounding us at this very second, I can guarantee you’ll never see your kid again.”

Arthur knew there was no point in denying Leon and his men were there.  Lying definitely fell under the “don’t antagonize him” rule they were following.  “Everyone stand down,” he ordered clearly, keeping his voice loud enough the man could hear.

“That was a lovely thought, but we’ll stay where we are, thanks,” Leon said back.  Apparently he hadn’t acquainted himself as well with that particular rule.  “Lance, where are we at with the van?”

“Just got the goggles.  We’ll let you know in a second.  Keep him talking, sir.”

Arthur forced himself to breathe.  They were so close.  He could almost feel his arms around Alex now.  “What’s this all about?  What did we ever do to you?  Was Sefa so upset about being fired?”

“You leave my daughter out of this,” the man snapped back.  “She was only trying to help, using her position in your household to give us information.  I asked her not to, but you know children.  They never do as they’re told.”

He thanked God he had fired Sefa before she had taken it upon herself to simply walk Alex out of the house one day.  Of course, if she had, Merlin wouldn’t have been there to get hurt.

“But then you might be partly right. If you hadn’t fired her, maybe you would have only lost a few precious jewels instead of your precious boy.”

His fists tightened, but he forced himself to stay calm.  “That doesn’t tell me why you wanted to hurt my family in the first place.”

“You have your father to blame for that, Pendragon,” he spat.  “He _destroyed_ my company, my _livelihood_.  We were supposed to be partners, but instead he stole my patents and tossed me in the gutter.  I’m just taking back what I deserve.”

“Alexander was never involved in _any_ of that!” Arthur roared back.  His son didn’t deserve to be punished for his grandfather’s mistakes.  “He’s just a _child_!  If you have a problem with Uther, take it up with Uther.  You can’t blame–”

“They are not in the vehicle. Repeat, there is no one in the vehicle.”

Merlin and Alex weren’t there?  Arthur’s heart crumpled.

“Approach with caution and secure the van.  Arthur, we’re coming in.  Don’t panic, remember you have your vest.”

Which wasn’t covering his head.  But that didn’t matter if the man was right and he really wasn’t ever going to see his son again.

“Please, just tell me where they are,” he begged, ignoring the chatter over the earpiece as Lance’s team searched the van.  “You can have this money and more.  Just give me back my son.”

The man held out a hand.  “A sign of good faith might be appropriate.  I’ll even go first.  I’ll lower my weapon, and you toss that nice bag over here.”

Arthur watched as the gun made its way down.  Just as the muzzle was pointed at the ground, Leon and his men charged out of the bushes to tackle him to the ground.  There was a loud bang as a round was squeezed off, but there was no accompanying scream of pain, so Arthur could only assume no one was hit.  He backed away as they wrestled the man into handcuffs.  His phone buzzed in his pocket but he ignored it, too intent on the current moment.  Then as soon as Percival had dragged the man to his feet, Arthur surged forward and seized the man by the collar of his shirt.

“ _Where are they_?  What have you done with my family?”

The man laughed, hard and hollow.  “You’ll never find them now, Pendragon.  You can search the city, but you’ll never find them.”

“I think you’ll find we will,” Leon growled back.  “We’re very good like that.  Perce, get him to the car.”

Percival hauled the man off, accompanied by two other guards.

Leon laid a hand cautiously on Arthur’s shoulder.  “It’ll be okay, Arthur.  We’ll get it out of him.”

The sounds of a scuffle reached them through the earpiece. “ _Calm down, woman!  Would you stop- Can I get some help over here?_ ”

Arthur and Leon rushed towards where Gwaine had been watching on the outskirts.  He was out of his bush now and struggling to subdue a young woman beating him with her purse even as he tried to put her in a headlock.

They dragged Sefa off him and secured her hands behind her back.  Sefa attempted to stomp on their toes with her heels, but after Gwaine gathered himself he just knocked them off her feet.

“Give it up, Sefa,” Arthur panted as she continued to fight them.  “We already have your father in custody.”

She immediately froze.  “Da?  Where is he?  What have you done to him?”

“We have the same questions for you, Sefa,” Leon snapped back.  “Where’s Alexander?”

Sefa shoved her nose in the air haughtily.  “I’m not telling you anything.”

Arthur’s mobile went off again.  He let go with one hand to silence it.  “It’ll go better for both of you if you cooperate.”

“What, twenty years in prison instead of life?”  She put on a mock pout.  “I’m just a poor innocent woman.  I didn’t know what I was doing.  And my father is old and sick.  I have to take care of him.”

“Nice try.  No one cares how pathetic you are when a child’s welfare is at stake.”

More vibrating.  Arthur grunted at Gwaine to take over holding on to Sefa and yanked the mobile out of his pocket.  He didn’t recognize the number.  “This had better be _damn important_ –”

“Mr Pendragon?”  A woman’s voice reached him.  Her tone was slightly unsure, but not malicious like the people he had been dealing with recently.  “My name is Elena Gawant, and I own Elena’s Bagels?  The thing is, well, there’s this little boy here, and he–”

“ _Alex?_ ”

“Maybe?”  Her voice muffled and he heard her ask _“Is your name Alex, sweetheart?”_  She came back on.  “Yes, he says that’s who he is.  He says he’s your son.”

 

\------------------

 

“Here, sweetie.  I made you some dinner.”

Sefa held out the plate to Alex, but he just whimpered and curled tighter against Merlin.  Sefa sighed and set it on the floor in front of him.  “I’m not the bad guy here, Alexander.”  Merlin snorted and rolled his eyes.  Sefa glared.  “I’m not.  If it were up to them you wouldn’t even be getting food.”

“Yes, your act of kindness is overwhelming.”

“You’ll see just how kind I’ve been when I’m not here anymore to protect you,” she sniffed haughtily.  “My father and I are leaving tonight, and you’ll just have to deal with Jarl.   _He_ wanted to kill you from the start.  I’m the one who convinced him you could take care of Alex since they won’t let me stay down here with him.”  She smirked.  “Once my father and I take Alexander to his new home, I don’t see what use Jarl will have for you anymore.”

Merlin’s stomach clenched with fear.  He believed that Sefa didn’t want to hurt the boy, but if she took Alex away, they might never find him again.  And he was sure she was right: Merlin probably wouldn’t be around long enough afterwards to tell anyone what had happened to him.

Alex flinched when Sefa pecked a kiss on his cheek.  “I have to go out for a bit, sweetie, but we’ll be right back.  Then I’ll take you to your new home and we’ll be a family.”

“I don’t want you to be my family!” Alex cried angrily, finally breaking his silence.  “I want Daddy and Merlin!”

Sefa shot another death glare at Merlin.  “You’ll feel much better once you’re out of this musty basement, dear.  Just another hour or so, I promise.  I’ll even buy you a new teddy bear.  I know how much you loved your old one.”

She stalked out of the basement and slammed the door behind her.  Merlin could hear shuffling upstairs, then there was the sound of a second door slam as Sefa’s words about leaving came true.

They had to get out of there before she came back.  They couldn’t be allowed to take Alex away.

Merlin yanked his wrist, twisting it back and forth, but he only managed to chafe the skin further.  A sharp sting informed him he was breaking the skin, and he gave it up as a lost cause.  There was only one option left then.  He took a deep breath to calm himself.  If he sounded worried or otherwise upset, it would be a lot harder to make his case.

“Alex, I’m going to stand up, and you’re going to get on my shoulders, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because if you do that,” he said matter-of-factly, “you’ll be high enough to climb out that window there.”

Alex’s eyes widened.  “But what about you?  Your hand’s still stuck.”

“I know.”  Merlin gave him a sad smile.  He didn’t like the situation any more than Alex did, but this was one fact he just couldn’t get around.  “I’ll have to stay here.  You can run for help.”

“I can’t leave you, Merlin!”  Tears slipped from the little boy’s eyes, though whether it was fear of escaping all by himself or horror at the idea of abandoning Merlin he wasn’t sure.  Probably both.  “You have to come too!  Then we can both find Daddy, and he’ll take us home and give us a hug and ice cream!”

“We will; I promise we will,” he soothed, though he didn’t quite believe his own words.  Merlin hadn’t needed Sefa’s explanations to know he was expendable, not meant to be there in the first place.  He’d already known Alex was all that was keeping him alive.  Helping his shield escape was as good as signing his death warrant.  “It’s just you’re going to do it first.  You have to go find your father, and he’ll come get me out.”

Alex’s lip wobbled, and Merlin could tell he wanted to argue again, battling against a lifetime of being taught to obey authority.  He remembered the number one rule from his education classes.   _“Never give an order like an option.  Given a choice, a child will always say no.”_

“Alex, you have to do this.  Now climb up on my shoulders.”

He had underestimated just how much pain lifting even such a small boy was going to cause him.  The pain in his side flared with a white hot intensity, and he had to grit his teeth to keep from screaming.  Merlin was sure he heard his teeth cracking from the force with which he clenched his jaw.  Carefully he slid the handcuff along the pipe as far as he could get, trying to angle Alex as close to the window as possible.

“Can you reach it?”

“Kinda?  Just a bit further!”

Merlin wasn’t sure he could get further.  His bullet wound was burning, and his wrist was harshly protesting the digging of the metal cuff.  But he tried, gaining another few centimetres.  Finally the trickle of blood running down his fingers told him he had to stop or risk losing his hand.

It was enough.  Alex gripped the window and yanked it upwards.  The unused joint screeched with rust, and Merlin winced, straining his ears in case Jarl might have heard and come running.  He breathed a sigh of relief when no stomping boots greeted their efforts.

Slowly, far, _far_ too slowly, Alex gained enough precious space Merlin thought he stood a chance to slip through.  “Alright, go now.  As soon as you’re through, you need to run as far as you can.  Then find a shop or the police if you see them and tell them you need to call your father so he can come get us.  Do you remember how to read street signs?”  Alex made a tiny affirmative sound.  “Try to remember the first crossroad you see so you can tell Arthur.  That’s how Arthur will find me.”

“Merlin…”

“You can do this, Alex.  I trust you to bring me home.”

Merlin strained himself up onto his tiptoes to boost Alex even closer to the window, breathing a sigh of relief as the weight on his shoulders started to lessen.  Once the boy was dangling from the frame, he lifted his free hand to push as hard as he could.  Then Alex was free, the window closed gently behind him.

Merlin clumsily settled back down on the floor, adrenaline used up.  Sefa and the men would return soon, and when they did there would be no hiding their hostage count had been cut in half.  At that moment, though, Merlin couldn’t bring himself to care.  Alex was safe.  With a smile on his face he allowed the dizziness to carry him away.

 

\------------------

 

Arthur dropped to the ground in relief.  He barely heard himself as he asked, “He’s safe?  He’s okay?”

“Oh, he’s fine.  Seems a bit shaken up, but I have him at a table with one of my everything bagels and a bowl of tomato soup, and he’s smiling now.  I offered him a piece of cake, but he said he’d have to ask his da.  Such a sweetie.”

“He’s okay?”  God, Arthur just needed to hear it over and over again.  His son was safe.  He was fine.  He’d gotten away.

“Yes?”  Her question sounded more like she wasn’t sure what Arthur was asking than if Alex was really okay.  “He came in here a few minutes ago all by himself and said he had to call his daddy to go get Merlin.  I’m sorry, I tried to ask more, but he said Merlin just told him he had to talk to you.”

All by himself.  That meant Merlin was still out there somewhere.  Arthur didn’t want to think of the reasons he might not have been able to escape with Alex beyond being handcuffed to a wall.  “Put him on please?”

There was a silence that felt far longer than it probably was, and then “ _Daddy!_ ”

“Hello, duck,” he breathed.  What they said was true, there was no greater sound than that of your child’s voice.  “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

“Merlin’s still stuck inside!  Daddy, you have to go get him!  He promised you would find him and we would get ice cream and–”

Arthur’s heart warmed embarrassingly at Merlin’s faith that Arthur would come for him, despite his recent treatment of the man.  He wouldn’t let Merlin’s beliefs be proved false.  Arthur _would_ find him, no matter what it took.

“I will, Alex, I will.  I promise.  How did Merlin get you out?”

Alex stumbled his way through a tale of windows and climbing, a terrified dash through the darkened streets to find an open business and spotting Elena cleaning tables in her shop.  “She looked really nice, Daddy, and Merlin told me to find a shop if I couldn’t find a police officer and there were no police officers so–”

“Shh, it’s okay, duck.  You did the right thing.”  He was going to buy Elena a small continent for taking his son in and contacting Arthur.  He was going to buy Merlin the solar system.  “I need you to think carefully, Alexander.  Do you remember anything about where they were holding you?  What it looked like, how far you had to run to get to Elena’s?”

There was a tiny sob on the other end of the line and Arthur’s heart squeezed.  “Merlin told me to look at the street signs, but I can’t remember them!  I tried, Daddy, I really did!”

Arthur had to spend a further few minutes reassuring his son that he hadn’t done anything wrong.  Frustrated as he was that they were back at square one with Merlin, Alex was only a child and a traumatized one at that.  The fact that he had been able to find and trust someone enough to get a hold of Arthur was a monumental accomplishment.

“I think one street was 42 and the other started with the letter L, but I don’t know,” he sniffled.  “The house was made of bricks?  And we were in the basement!”

Arthur relayed everything to Leon, who nodded and ordered one of his men to create a perimeter of buildings it was feasible Alex could have run from to get to Elena’s.  “You’ve been so brave, little duck.  I’m so proud of you.  I want you to stay put with Elena for now, okay?  Don’t let her out of your sight.  Auntie Morgana is going to come and pick you up.”

“What about you, Daddy?  Aren’t you coming?”

“Soon, Alex, I promise.  But first I have to go find Merlin.”

 

\------------------

 

Arthur was cooking again.  Merlin could smell the acrid scent of burnt toast wafting through the air.  He hoped Arthur hadn’t broken the toaster.  Merlin loved that toaster.  It was adjusted just the way he needed it to produce enough perfect toast for three in the optimum amount of time.  He’d warned Arthur about touching his toaster.  Maybe he’d used a pan or the stove.  Merlin should really get up and go check, before he burnt down the entire house.  But sleep felt so good…

Merlin’s eyes sluggishly dragged open.  It didn’t help much as the room was filled with a dark heavy smoke.  Merlin coughed roughly as the smoke invaded his lungs.  A shaft of dim light crackled through the fog about him, but not enough to do more than give a greyish tint to the air.  Much brighter were the orange-red flames licking the space around him.  The basement was on fire.

He was going to burn to death.

His first thought was gratitude that Alex had been able to escape.  At least Arthur wasn’t going to lose both of them.  He hoped it would be fast.  He’d always had nightmares about burning to death.  They said the smoke was what got to you first, and that suffocation was like falling asleep.  That would be nice.  Merlin was so tired.

_“Merlin!”_

Merlin smiled.  He was glad his dreams were going to give him Arthur to sing him to sleep as he had when Arthur was hurt.  He just wished Arthur didn’t sound so sad and far away.

The flames were crawling closer, despite the lack of flammable materials near him.  It occurred to Merlin they must have poured petrol on the floor for fuel.  Merlin had to scoot back further into the corner as the fire nipped at him, and his cuffed hand was forced low on the pipe.  The skin stung as heat from the flames warmed the metal of the handcuff.

_“Merlin, come on, answer me!”_

As the smell of burnt flesh began to attack his senses, a thought forced its way through Merlin’s thick mind.  A lesson from chemistry years ago.  Cold contracted, but heat… heat expanded.

Carefully he tugged on his hand, doing his best to ignore the sting of the hot metal, though if he whimpered a bit at least there was no one around to hear it.  The band caught on the wide bones of his bottom knuckles.  He would have to get it hotter.  Merlin braced himself and hovered his hand as close the flames as he dared.  He grit his teeth in between coughs as the skin started to blister and crack.  Tiny –and not so tiny– squeaks of pain escaped him anyway, and tears tracked down his cheeks, evaporating before they reached his chin.

The ceiling creaked over him.  It was going to fall in.  Merlin wasn’t going to burn to death: he was going to be crushed.

Merlin tugged harder, now allowing his yelps and groans to fall unchecked as he plunged his hand even closer to the fire.  The cuff slipped another few millimetres.  The cracks above him were getting louder.

Oddly so was Arthur’s voice.   _“Merlin?  Merlin, say something!”_

With one last Herculean tug, Merlin’s hand wrenched free.  He had to get to Arthur.  Arthur needed him.  The stubborn man might not ever admit it, might spend the rest of his life coming up with new ways to deny it, but he did.  He needed Merlin to cook him dinner and sing him songs when he was sick and snog him in the kitchen over cupcake batter at three in the morning.  And Merlin needed that too, and he needed it with Arthur.

But Merlin also needed a nap.  He was so tired.  Since his legs refused to support him, he dragged his body forward on all fours, hoping it was the right direction.  His hands screamed at the pressure on his wounds.  Finally the stairs loomed before him, but he couldn’t imagine attempting to climb them right now.  All his limbs felt like lead weights.  Maybe he could just sit for a moment and rest.  Merlin had been waiting for ages for Arthur to wake up and accept his feelings.  It was Arthur’s turn to wait for a while…

_“Merlin?  Merlin!”_

 

\------------------

 

Arthur had to fight to be allowed to go with Leon and his security team.  Leon argued it was too dangerous; according to the boy, someone was still with Merlin, and they might be tempted to simply shoot Arthur and wrest the money from his cold, dead hands.

“Then I won’t carry any on me.”

Leon and his men spread out, eliminating homes that clearly didn’t have basements and pounding on the doors of those that did, demanding to be let in to search, insisting to protesting homeowners that the situation was a matter of life or death.

Arthur did his best to block out the latter option.

Their options were dwindling down, however, and Arthur’s heart was pounding harder with every eliminated house.  They had to find Merlin.  They had to.  Arthur couldn’t imagine what he would do if they came this close and still walked away empty handed.

“Do you smell that?”

Arthur and the men closest turned to look at Percival, who had his nose upturned and a strange look on his face.  “Smells like… smoke?”

Quickly they all whirled about, searching for the source.  They didn’t have to look hard, however, to spot the black smoke crawling through the bottom windows of the dark red building near the end of the street.

“ _Merlin_!”  Arthur screamed.  No.  No, they couldn’t.

He sprinted for the door, trying to force it open with his shoulder.  It didn’t budge.  Percival shoved him out of the way, slamming his boot twice into the wood until it cracked and gave way.  Arthur followed the security group inside, ignoring Leon’s order for him to stay back.

“Merlin!” he called again.  Leon gripped his arm and hissed at him to be quiet, though with the noise they’d made to break in it was a pointless endeavour.  But not only did Merlin not respond to Arthur’s call, neither did anyone else.  No gunshots greeted their arrival.

The team did a quick sweep of the main floor.  “It’s abandoned.  They must have cleared out as soon as they realized the boy escaped.”

Arthur refused to accept that Merlin could have been taken away from him again.  He knew what the odds were.  These men hadn’t taken Merlin to extort more money from Arthur.  That had just been a bonus.  Alex had been their real cash cow, and now that his son was safely away from their grip, Merlin was just a burden.  And there was one very easy way to get rid of a burden.

With the all clear given for assassins, Arthur wandered further into the house.  In the kitchen he spotted the door, more of that black smoke curling around the edges.  He ran towards it, jiggling the knob even though he knew it’d be locked.  “Merlin, come on, answer me!”

Percival tried to kick down the door again, but this one was much more solid than the front, cracking but not giving way.  Leon called for a fire axe while Arthur and Percival kept working on the hinges.

Leon laid a bare palm flat on the door. “I don’t think we’re at risk for a flash fire, but I don’t like the amount of smoke coming out of there.  We may need the fire department.”

“Merlin’s been down there for who knows how long!”  Arthur protested hysterically.  “A few seconds to get him out is nothing compared to that!”

“Alex said Merlin was still handcuffed to that pipe, Arthur.  It’s going to be more than a few seconds.  We have no way to free him from that quickly.  We may not even be able to see when we get down there.  And we don’t even know if-”

“I don’t care,” Arthur interrupted.  He didn’t want to hear it.  “If you don’t want to help him, I’ll go by myself.  He can’t wait any longer.”

The fire axe arrived.  Leon hesitated for a moment before sighing in defeat.  “Break it down.”

Percival chopped at the door.  Chips and slivers flew around them.  As soon as they had a decent hole, Arthur began shouting again.  “Merlin?  Merlin, say something!”

“He’s probably unconscious by now, Arthur,” Leon warned gently.  Percival started on the door knob, warping the softening metal until it popped off.  Then he kicked again to make the broken wood fly open.

Arthur pushed ahead of him before anyone could try to stop him again, covering his mouth and nose with his shirt and thundering down the stairs.  “Merlin?”  A shadowy lump twitched near the foot of the steps.  “Merlin!  Leon, he’s here!”

The team helped Arthur carry the man out of the house and lay him on the ground.  Arthur could hardly bear to look at the state of him without feeling pained himself.  Gently he ran a hand through the sooty hair.  “Merlin…  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

Merlin was covered in grime, from both the smoky air and the dusty basement.  A large lump still protruded on the back of his head where he’d been struck.  Most alarming, however, was the mangled state of his left hand, which was covered in burns ranging in colour from dark pink to white to crimson, the consequences of somehow freeing himself from the handcuff.  The stain from the bullet wound had spread since the proof of life photo had been delivered, Merlin’s blood still making its sluggish way from his body.  For a brief moment Arthur wanted to press down on that area, try to stem the flow, but he feared doing any more harm than had already been done.

At least in his unconscious state he could feel none of that harm right then.  Arthur kept talking to him anyway, making all the promises in the world so long as Merlin would just wake up.  Leon’s team was around him, on the edges of his awareness, some of them probably trying to talk to him, but all Arthur’s focus right then was for Merlin.

Then the ambulance arrived to take Merlin away to the hospital, and finally, after days of worrying, Arthur’s mind crashed.  He needed to stay with Merlin.  He needed to be with his son.  He need to call Morgana and Uther and the police and-

“Arthur.  Arthur, just breathe.” Leon’s face loomed in front of him.  “Merlin’s safe now.  Merlin is safe, and Alex is safe.  Everything’s okay.”  Arthur sat down hard on the grass, exhausted.  “Come on, mate.  I’ll take you to the hospital.”

“Alex-”

“Morgana can bring him.  I’ll call her on the way.”

Arthur allowed himself to be manhandled into a car. The trip seemed to take ages, Leon droning away on the phone to Morgana or Gwaine or whoever it was.  Arthur knew this was a sign he was starting to shut down, his adrenaline used up, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  Nothing mattered, nothing _could_ matter until he had his loved ones back in his arms.

Leon parked him in a chair in the waiting room while he went to ask a nurse for information.  Arthur didn’t even glance up once as the hubbub of the hospital surrounded him.  The first thing that finally caught his attention was the fast click of designer heels against the tile.  Then Arthur’s head snapped up.

“Daddy!” his little boy shrieked, breaking into a sprint.

Arthur launched himself forward, falling to his knees and squeezing his son tight.  He was never going to let Alexander go again.  He would glue the boy’s hand to his own if he had to to keep him from being taken away with his knowing.  All the love and fear of the last two days went in the hug until he half thought he might be hurting the child with the force of it.  Alex didn’t seem to mind, though.  He wrapped his little arms around Arthur’s neck just as tightly, forcing him to lift the boy with him onto his hip when he finally had the strength to stand once more.

Arthur extracted one arm and drew his sister into the embrace.  “Thank you, Morgana.  Thank you for bringing him.”   _Thank you for being here for me._

“Of course I did,” she tried to brush off, but her cheeks were just as wet.  “I called Father, too.  He should he here soon.  How’s Merlin?”

Arthur felt himself crumbling away as images of Merlin’s limp body flooded his mind, and he clung to Alex like he could anchor him to reality.  “I- I don’t know.  Leon was going to find out.  He –” Arthur glanced at his son.  “It wasn’t good.”

“Is Merlin going to be okay, Daddy?”  Alex asked with a frown.

Arthur didn’t want to lie.  But after all his son had gone through, he didn’t want him to worry anymore either.  “The doctors are doing their best, duck.  Just like they did with daddy.”

They went back to the waiting room and sat down.  Alex quickly fell asleep on Arthur’s lap, exhausted from all the excitement and the late hour.  Gwaine joined them soon after, and Uther and Gwen arrived shortly after that, creating a small group huddled in the corner.  None of them tried to talk to him, and Arthur was glad.  He couldn’t bear to make conversation right now.  He just wanted to hold his son and hear Merlin’s laugh again.

Leon finally returned to say Merlin was just getting out of surgery and a security presence would stay outside his door.  “They don’t know when he’ll wake up, but it won’t be tonight.  His lungs were clogged and damaged from the smoke inhalation, and luckily the bullet wound was just a deep graze, but he still lost a good deal of blood.  Gaius suggested you all go home for the night.”

“No.”

“Hell no.”

Leon sighed.  “I know I can’t force any of you, but Arthur, you and Alex really should go, get some rest at home.”

“Morgana can take him.  I’m staying here.”

“Arthur–”

“I wouldn’t trust anyone to take care of him right now but you, Gana.  I want nothing more than to stay with him every second, but Leon’s right, he needs rest.  And Merlin needs me.”

“You’re no good to him in this state, Arthur,” Morgana pressed gently.  “Let Gwaine stay.  I’ll bring you back in the morning.”

“Your sister is right, Arthur,” Uther spoke up.  “As Mr Knightly said, Merlin won’t be waking tonight.  But Alexander may, and after this trauma, he will need his father to take care of him.”

Arthur slumped.  He couldn’t fight everyone.  And they were right.  He couldn’t leave his son to fend for himself against his nightmares, even if Morgana was willing to take his place.  He nodded his reluctant agreement, then shifted his sleeping son so he could stand.  Morgana hurried to take his arm and led him from the hospital out to her car.

“He’ll be fine, Arthur.  Gaius said so.  Merlin will be just fine.”

And maybe physically he would be.  But otherwise, Arthur wasn’t so sure.

 

\------------------

 

Merlin didn’t wake up that night, nor the entirety of the morning.  Arthur arrived bright and early to take over for Gwaine, who had fallen asleep in his chair.  Alex came with him, telling him all about their time with their kidnappers.  Leon showed up to take the boy’s statement, and Arthur winced as he heard the rehashing in all the gruesome detail an eight-year-old could give.  Looking at Merlin unconscious on the hospital bed, Arthur thanked God they’d made it out of there.

He understood now how Merlin must have felt when Arthur had his accident.  The waiting was horrendous.  There was no way to tell if Merlin was ever any closer to waking up than he had been a hour before.  He had been disconnected from the blood transfusion and the heart monitor, and now he was just on oxygen and a saline drip.  Gaius swore he would wake up as soon as his brain had drunk its fill of the non-smoky air.  Arthur wished he could drag a filter through Merlin’s blood to speed the process up a bit.

“I want to see my son.  I was told my son was in this hospital, and I want to see him now!”

Arthur winced as suddenly he heard his ex-whatever-she-was screeching down the hallway of the ward.  He thanked God Alex was with Morgana in the cafeteria getting lunch.  He wouldn’t have to watch his parents get into a showdown eight years in the making.  Sophia’s demands muted a bit as a nurse slipped into the room and shut the door.

“I’m sorry, Mr Pendragon, she claims she has a court order to see your son.”

“I’ll bet she does,” Arthur muttered darkly.  He shifted in his seat by Merlin’s side.  “Go ahead and show her in.  I’m sorry if she’s disturbing your patients.  If she insists on continuing I’ll have security throw her out.”

He didn’t have long to wait until Sophia stormed into the room.  She didn’t look any different than he remembered her eight years ago.  She was still beautiful, still had a crackling passion in her eyes.  Still looked like a vision from hell when she was angry.

“You allowed _my son_ to be kidnapped, and I have to find out about it from your _driver_?” she shrieked.  “What were you thinking?”

Arthur stood, taking full advantage of his higher stature.  He didn’t let go of Merlin’s hand.  “Right now I’m thinking Elyan deserves a raise.  I’m also thinking that this is a hospital, and you’d best calm your bitching before those nice men outside the door show you to one of this facility’s padded rooms.”

He’d stunned her into silence for a moment, but it didn’t last nearly long enough.  She pulled a packet of papers from her purse and tossed him.  “This is a court order for me to take my son back to Sweden with me.  I will be filing for full custody within the month.”

“Might want to make it sooner, before you get bored of him again,” Arthur sneered.  He couldn’t help the fear that was flooding him, though.  What Sophia wanted, 99.9% of the time Sophia got.  The only exception he could think of was him.  “He’s not a puppy, Soph.  You can’t just drop him on someone else when you don’t want to take care of him anymore.”

“At least I won’t get him _kidnapped._ ”

“That wasn’t my fault and you know it.  You can’t take Alex away from me.  I’m his father.”

“And I’m his mother!”

“No, you’re just his incubator.”  Again Sophia paused as if she’d been slapped.  “He doesn’t have a clue who you are.  You’re nothing more than a voice on the phone.  He knows _Santa Claus_ better than you.”

“He’ll grow to love me,” she sniffed, nose rising up in the air.

“But will you grow to love him?  Kids grow up, Soph.  He’s done it already.  He’s not a little baby anymore. He needs stories and hugs and playtime and he needs to know the person he’s doing them with cares about him.  Are you willing to clean up his vomit when he has the flu?  How about lie on the bed and cuddle with him all night when he has a nightmare?  If you thought childbirth was hard, try child rearing.”

She had to understand.  She had to.  Arthur couldn’t lose Alexander.  His little boy was his entire world.  If he lost Alex he would have nothing.  He would _be_ nothing.

Sophia waved a hand in dismissal. “That’s what nannies are for.”

“Nannies love the children they take care of, that’s true,” Arthur’s hand tightened reflexively around Merlin’s.  “They love them like they were their own.  And maybe they are, and we should just give up and claim them as part of the family.  But a child needs to know his parents love him too.”

Sophia hadn’t missed how hard he was squeezing Merlin’s hand as he spoke.  She smirked.  “Oh, Arthur.  Moved from the secretary to fucking the nanny?  You’re such a cliché.”

“He’s an au pair.”

She snorted.  “So is this what I did wrong?  Didn’t have enough of a cock for you?  He’ll run from you faster even than I did.”  She raised an eyebrow at Merlin’s state.  “I’d say you have until he wakes up.  You’ve lost, Arthur.  I’ll be picking my son up from your home in the morning.”

“Please, Sophie.  What is it you really want?  My money?  You can have it.  My villa in southern France?  It’s all yours.  Please don’t take Alex away from me.”

Sophia stood in stony silence, not seeming to give an inch.  Arthur’s heart tightened another notch.  “You know, I never understood the story of King Solomon.  They say he was the wisest king to ever live, just because he made one decision that everyone loved.  Two women were each claiming that a baby belonged to them.  The world’s first custody battle, you might say.  Solomon decided that the only way to settle it was to physically cut the child in half so they could each have a part of him.  I didn’t get why he thought that was a great trick question.  Only an idiot wouldn’t realize that cutting a child in half would kill him.  One of these mothers had already lost her own son, and the other was at risk of having hers taken away.  Why would either of them want to tear their child in two?

“But then I realized I wasn’t looking at it the right way.  What Solomon was really asking was which was willing to do more to make their child happy?  It was about who was more willing to stop the fighting and do what was best for that baby, even if it meant giving them up.”  Sophia started to smile smugly at that, clearly assuming where this was going.  The smile vanished as Arthur went on.  “If you really want to go through with this, I will fight you until the end of my days to ensure that Alexander stays with me where he belongs.   _I_ am what’s best for him.  And if I were to die before I had ensured you never laid an eye on him again, I would leave the job to Merlin and instruct him to move to Mars if that’s what it took.”

Sophia opened her mouth, but Arthur cut her off.  “You are _not_ his mother.  He’s your son, but you have never been his mother.  And if you took two seconds to yank your head out of your arse you’d realize you don’t want to be, and you never have.”

They stared each other down for the longest few minutes of Arthur’s life.  Sophia wasn’t heartless, Arthur knew.  Selfish and exploitative, but she cared.  He’d seen her with her own father, and it was obvious she loved him more than life itself.  She had to understand and want that for her own child.

Finally her shoulders drooped.  “I’d like to have visitation perhaps?” she asked softly.  “I can’t move back to London right now, but my current job requires me to fly here a few times a year.”

“You can visit as often as you like.”  Arthur’s entire body relaxed so quickly he nearly dropped back into his chair.  “I want to work out a schedule, though.  He needs routine, and you can’t just decide you want to see him one day and then drop him the next.  He doesn’t deserve that.”

“I’ll have my lawyer contact you.”  She tucked her custody papers back in her purse.

“Thank you, Sophia.  Thank you.”

“Just… take care of him, okay?”  She glanced down at Merlin and her frown deepened.  “Take care of him, too.  You’re… you’re a difficult man to get over.”  With that she turned and walk away.  For once, Arthur hoped it wouldn’t be for good.

 

\------------------

 

There was a revolving door of visitors over the course of the afternoon.  Morgana was in and out, the out being when she was taking calls from work in the hallway.  Gwaine stopped by for a few minutes after lunch, but he and Leon were out tracking down the third member of the kidnapping gang.  Alex had told them his name was Jarl, and he was the one who had done most of the actual violence towards Merlin.

Arthur hoped they accidently hit him with a car.

For his part, Arthur stayed in the room and paced.  He would try to sit, but his nerves kept forcing him to his feet.  The only thing that would manage to draw him back to the bed again was Alex, who had crawled up onto the mattress to sit by Merlin’s feet and read aloud.  But eventually the little boy couldn’t keep his eyes open after the restless sleep of the next before, and he dozed off, pillowing his head on Merlin’s legs.  Arthur was left then to wear a groove into the hospital floor.

Morgana sighed heavily as she re-entered the room.  “So, have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“No?  Yes?  I don’t know, Morgana.”

“He was right before.  You can’t keep stringing him along.  Do you want him to leave?”

Arthur had given in and told her everything about that night in the kitchen.  “No, of course I don’t!  But I just- I can’t- I don’t know!”

Morgana let him be for a few seconds.  Of course, she never could leave off of anything for long.  “So I heard Sophia was here earlier.  You okay?”

“I’m… fine, actually.”  It was a weird feeling.  He’d never thought he’d use the word fine in conjunction with Sophia.  Unless it was in regards to a finely sharpened knife.  “She wants to see Alex.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow.  “And you’re okay with that?”

“Surprisingly yes.  I can’t really get upset about the fact she’s finally giving a damn about her son, can I?”

“So long as it’s _just_ her son she wants to see more of.”

“I didn’t turn stupid in the last day, Morgana,” he snorted.  “It’s not like we’re going to try the whole ‘let’s be friends’ thing.”

“Which brings me back to my first question: have you decided what you’re going to do?”

Arthur considered the question seriously.  Had he?  The answer seemed so obvious, but perhaps that was what was holding him up.  Life wasn’t that easy.  He gave a small huff of laughter.  Easy.   _Easy_ didn’t even begin to describe his life since he’d met Merlin.  The thing was, he was still afraid.  Sophia hadn’t broken his heart; she’d never had it in the first place. But she had shattered his trust, and he wasn’t sure he was willing to let someone hold onto the carefully reconstructed pieces again.

“I can’t tell you what to do.  Clearly.  But I’ll just say this:  Merlin is lying there in that bed because he was willing to do whatever it took to protect your son.  I think that earns him the right for you to at least think about it.”

Merlin coughed weakly just then, drawing their attention immediately back towards his bed.

Arthur nearly ran to his side.  “Merlin?”  He picked up the man’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly.  “Don’t worry; you’re safe.  You’re in hospital.”

Morgana came over and kissed Arthur on the kiss.  “I’ll give you a second before telling anyone he’s awake.”  She smiled down at their joined hands.  “Maybe two.”

“Thank you.”  His sister could actually be semi-kind sometimes.  If she felt like it.  “For everything, Morgana.”

Merlin actually wasn’t panicking as much as Arthur had feared he might.  He was certainly confused, but he was also smiling bemusedly at him.  He coughed again.  “So obviously parts of this are hallucinations,” he whispered raspily.  “Mind telling me which ones?”

Arthur chucked, body and mind finally relaxing now that Merlin was smiling at him again.  “Hopefully less than you think.  Otherwise we need to get Gaius to take a closer look at your head.”

Merlin looked down at the foot of the bed where Alex still slept.  “He found you.  Good.”

“Thanks to you.  I will never be able to repay you enough for what you did for him, Merlin.”

Merlin’s brow oddly furrowed at that.  He smoothed it a moment later.  “How did I get here?”

“We found you in the basement where you were being held.  The place had already been set on fire by then.  You made it to the steps by yourself before you passed out, and we carried you the rest of the way.  Gaius says you have some major damage to your lungs from the smoke, and you had a bit of an infection in your side, but you’ve been all stitched up and IV’d and you’re going to be fine.”  At least physically.  Alex wasn’t the only one Arthur worried about having nightmares.

Merlin went to speak again, but the coughing turned to hacks and he clutched at his chest as he struggled for air.  Arthur pressed the call button for the nurses and carefully helped Merlin to sit up, rubbing his back gently as the man slowly got his breath back.  Merlin didn’t let go of his hand through it all, his grip actually tightening through each spasm of his lungs.  Somehow Alex slept through it all, and part of Arthur wondered if Merlin was having such troubles because he was trying not to wake him.

The nurse entered calmly, carrying a large pitcher of water and cup.  “We heard you from the desk.  Dr Gaius has been paged and will be over to check on you shortly.  For now some small sips of this will put you to rights.  Are you experiencing any pain, Mr Emrys?”  Merlin just gave her a look.  She smiled wryly.  “Okay, stupid question.  Any _significant_ amounts of pain?”

He shook his head.  “I’d appreciate a bit more air, but that’s probably just me being selfish,” Merlin wheezed.

“Keep the mask on and use the straw to drink.  It will get easier soon, I promise.”  She poured him a cup and handed it over.  “Small sips, Mr Emrys,” she repeated, then left.

With a shaking hand Merlin tucked the straw under his mask and sucked.  He winced as the cool liquid knifed through his damaged throat.  Merlin slowly drank  about half of it before he spoke up again.  “So, ehm…” Merlin’s eyes flicked towards their still intertwined hands.  “That.”

“That,” Arthur nodded, trying to make his voice sound as matter of fact as possible.  In reality his heartbeat quickened with nerves.  Morgana might think he wasn’t taking any liberties, and for the most part he didn’t either, but he couldn’t be entirely sure Merlin’s feelings hadn’t changed.  Arthur had hurt him before; it was possible that had been the only chance Merlin was willing to give.

“Is this… repayment?”

“What?  Oh!  No!  God, no, it’s not-” Arthur stammered, at a complete loss for how to convince him this had _nothing_ to do with gratitude or guilt or some kind of twisted _obligation_.  “This is just- it’s _me_.  Finally.  For you.”

Merlin’s smile returned, but there was still a hint of worry behind his eyes.

“I nearly lost you,” Arthur said softly.  “I can’t risk that happening again.”

The smile brightened.  “Okay then.  Glad to know we’re finally on the same page.”

Arthur lifted Merlin’s hand to his mouth and kissed it.  “If you’ll give me the chance, I promise not to ever get off that page again.”

Merlin let out a giggle that quickly turned into another round of coughs.  “According to Alex, that means we have to get married now.”

“That’s fine.  He already gave me his blessing to marry you ages ago.”

As Morgana pointed out later, once Gaius had left from his inspection, Merlin was grinning far too brightly for a man who just been kidnapped, shot, and set on fire.

Arthur was too.

 

\-----------------

 

When Arthur awoke, the first thing he noted was his bed was a third emptier than when he’d fallen asleep.

Alex still lay cuddled up to him, face smooshed into his stuffed bear.  His son had come in sobbing around midnight, another nightmare having woken him and sent him tearing for his father’s room.  Arthur had patted the bed willingly, just as he had every other night for the past week.  It was no hardship, really.  Having Alexander so near made him feel better as well, and there were times he wanted to skip the illusion of normalcy and just put his son to sleep in his bed in the first place.

Of course Merlin had put his foot down about that the second he got home, going on a whole rant about how a return to routine was for the best, and Alex wouldn’t feel safe in his home again until Arthur let him know _he_ thought he was.  Arthur knew he was right, but it was still hard to be separated from him even just by a few thin walls.

Merlin was the one missing now, his side of the bed empty and cold.  It was his second night out since Gaius had released him from the hospital.  Arthur had refused to let him go home with Gwaine, insisting that he stay where Arthur could see him.  Merlin hadn’t put up a fight, not even letting out a protest when Arthur started casually moving his things from the guest room to the master bedroom.

Carefully Arthur eased himself out of the bed, cautious not to wake his son.  It took ages to get the little boy to fall back to sleep once he’d been awoken, and he would panic if it looked like Arthur was leaving him.

He padded through the house until he found Merlin exactly where he’d expected to, fiddling with a plate of cupcakes at the kitchen island.  “You can’t sleep either?”

Merlin jumped a foot in the air and his head snapped up, eyes wide with fright.  Arthur instantly felt bad about not getting his attention more gently.  Although he was better at hiding it than Alexander, Merlin had been scarred by his experience as well.  Arthur had seen him flinch at noises from another room, and he knew Merlin hadn’t slept at all the night before.

“Sorry, love.”  Arthur came forward and stood behind him, massaging his tense shoulders.  “What’s the trouble tonight?”

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled, leaning back into his touch.

“You’re making cupcakes at two in the morning, that’s not nothing.  Last time you got the urge for late night baking…” he trailed off.  That wasn’t a night either of them liked to remember.

“It’s just a little insomnia,” Merlin insisted.

Arthur’s hands stilled.  “Mithian said it was better to talk about it if you can.”

Gaius had recommended that Alexander and Merlin talk to a trauma therapist just before Merlin was released.  Alex had done so, but Merlin refused, for reasons he would not tell Arthur.  Arthur had taken it upon himself then to talk to Mithian, pressing her for tips on how to best help his son and Merlin to recover.

“It’s not…” Merlin pulled away, and after brief hesitation Arthur let him, recognizing his need for space.  Merlin wouldn’t look him in the eye, picking up a cupcake from the tray and slowly breaking it to pieces.  “You don’t have to pretend.  Morgana told me you found out.”

“Found out what, Merlin?”

“About me, and my… other job.”  He sighed heavily and began arranging the crumbs into shapes on the counter.  “My contract still has a couple weeks left, but I won’t make you pay me for them.  I know someone who would be willing to take my place until you find someone else, and I swear you can trust her.”

“Oh, Merlin.”  Arthur grabbed his shoulders again and this time spun him around, forcing him to meet his eyes.  “I thought I’d made it perfectly clear that I don’t _want_ you to leave.  I don’t care what some woman says you did or didn’t do.  I know you.  You have never in your life set out to take advantage of another person, let alone a child.”

“And I swear I didn’t, Arthur!” Merlin had tears in his eyes as he earnestly promised.  “There was thunder, and he was scared, and he just wanted a hug!  I told him I’d stay until he went back to sleep; I didn’t mean to–”

Arthur tugged Merlin into an embrace, rubbing his back soothingly.  “Shh, Merlin, I know.  I’m telling you I trust you.  You’ve never given me any reason to doubt.”  Arthur realized what might have brought this on.  “Merlin, are _you_ okay with Alex sharing our bed?”

“Of course I am!  He’s your son, and he needs you.”

“He needs you, too.  I trust you with my son, Merlin.  Please don’t be afraid of us.”

Merlin relaxed against him, and Arthur could feel him sag more than normal as he allowed the exhaustion to hit him.  “I’m not afraid,” he whispered.  “At least, I’m trying not to be.”

“Good.  Because I expect to wake up to you for a long time after this, and I will be very put out if I wake up alone again.  Alexander is a very good cuddler, but he hogs the blankets.”

“’m fairly certain he gets that from you,” Merlin mumbled against his chest.

“Lies and slander.”  Arthur braced himself then gathered the sleeping Merlin up in his arms to carry back to bed.  He brushed Merlin’s forehead with a kiss and couldn’t suppress a smile when Merlin turned to bury his face deeper into Arthur’s shirt.

“I love you,” Arthur whispered into his hair.  He'd say it again in the morning when Merlin awoke.

The time for keeping such things secret was over.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated in memory of Felicity, known to us all as texasfandoodlr. We love you and will miss you always.


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